when i lost my mother !
This is to inform that My Mother, Dr. Ghazala Shirin Assistant Professor of Physiology (Retd) Fatima Jinnah Medical College Lahore W/O Amjad Hussain, R/O 3-B Poonch road Chaburji Lahore and the Owner of Ghazala Clinic, passed away on 10th Muharram at 9.15 am. She was seriously for the last 10 days. She had ‘aspirated pneumonia’ and into organ failure. The family pays their heartiest gratitude to all those who were there in the difficult phase. We all are so honoured for all your care , concern and presence throughout. Do pray for her Maghfarat !
lost the most precious 'someone' on 20th Jan 2008 at 9.15 am ...
stream of my thoughts - written as they came in my head - excuse for the mistakes -
8.00 AM, 10th of Muharram – 20th Jan 2008
It was 8.00 am, 10th of Muharram and I was asleep while sitting in a chair that was lying next to the bed on which Ami as lying. My face and head were rested near her shoulder on a pillow. One of my hand was rested on her hand so that I know she is still breathing … It had been 10 Days that Ami was critically ill and being hospitalised and precisely for two days, she was unconcious . The door opened and the sister came in .... she switched the light on and with that little disturbance I woke up … it had been 5 day that I did no sleep properly and the moment I woke up I felt a stiffness in my neck…She came in to check ami’s vitals. I looked at the cardiac monitor it showed the blood pressure as 60/30. I looked at Ami’s face …she was fast asleep … her breaths were very short and laboured… but this was the way we were watching her for the past 3 days …
My Mother ! Since I remember, I have seen this lady, kind hearted, extremely loving, energetic, concerned, multi task handler …
She was a doctor by profession, ... also wife, a mother , a daughter, a sister , a daughter / sister in law …
For relatives and family she was a comfy cushion who was always ready to help and provide shelter, for her patients she was someone who could just gulp all their , their sorrows – No mater whatever they come up with, she would made them feel at easy by her polite and concerned attitude, as a government official and as a lecturer she was the most favourite doctor around, she was like a butterfly who would fly from one place to another and people would be inspired by the wonderfully open aura that generated.
.... for her husband she was the best support, his love and his best friend, a partner for a life …
and for her kids … she was …….. SO MUCH !
Ami was born on 16th of February 1952, and since then she was a laadli of my maternal father (Agha Jaan). After her schooling and intermediate she came to Lahore (Year 1971) for higher studies and she wanted to be a doctor. She studied in Fatima Jinnah Medical College and passed out in 1976.
In her college days she was the most lively and extremely charming girl. She was an entertainer and loved to be entertained … I remember when we used to gossip about typical petty things and go out shopping on Rikshaw, we used to enjoy dali bhallas, samosas and milk shake at dhani ram road anarkali…
Ahhh ! yaadein kahan sey kahan le gayeen … Kher lets go back to her college days … she was famous for the way she used to perform Dhamaal and was known as Dhamalo. She had always been the centre of attraction and someone who would spread laughter everywhere… she was a laughing, sparkling little star that would jump from here and there, and her bright voice could be heard and her presence could be felt from ground floor to the top floor and from one corner to the other corner of the hostel/college. One of her friends Prof. Rakshanda Rehman tells me that she was a happy soul and spread happiness all over. In her college days she met Abu and they both fell in love J … Abu used to hide it from us because he always thought it was too personal or may be he was afraid that we might fall in love with someone … whatever it was .. ami always used to smile and enjoy when we asked her keh aap aur abu kahan miley they ? what did Abu give you as the first gift? How did he propose you? When you had your first fights after marriage… etc etc… Well, These love birds got married on 6th April 1978 …
8.15 AM, 10th of Muharram – 20th Jan 2008
Memories were bashing over my mind and I was watching her lying in the bed … deeply asleep, there was no sound in the room but the beep of the cardiac monitor … that was telling me every moment that she was still breathing. I asked the medical staff that ami might get bed sores so I wanted to apply lotion and powder on her back, change her pamper, clothes and bed sheet … she wanted to leave as her duty time was over. She checked Ami’s vitals and told me that she was sending the nurse on duty. I waited till 8.15 am …
There were 4 members in the room ... (Me, Abu Shani and Kami) – no one had the courage to go home or even out of that room as we never knew what would happen next …
23rd Feb 1979, 23rd Nov 1980 and 28th Aug 1985 … mumma gave birth to her three babies … 1 daughter and 2 sons … I was the eldest (sabeen), then kamran (kami) and then zeeshan (shani).
We used to tease her sometimes keh ami! Han han wo ziada laadla/ laadli hei .. mein to gaud liya hoa / le hoi hoon … to wo kehti theen .. nahen mein ney bohat mushqil sey paida kiya hai … we all were forceps deliveries and one can imagine if they have been through it how painful it would be … ! Other than that jiss maa ney 9 maah tak apney reham mein rakha us key jism sey saas liya aur khuraaq bhe grown to a level that we were able to breath on our own ... phir us mein wo dard jis ko seh key unfoon ney hum ko paida kiya. Yet today after spending 28 years with her I feel only blessed people are privileged to have what we have had…
we love her so much that every beat that is originated and every breath that we take and every smile that comes on our lips and every tear that wets our eyes revolves around her. When we were kids ... we saw her in our house making it a home, we saw her as assistant professor of physiology at FJMC as someone who is an inspiration for young doctors, we have seen her in the clinic as someone who was so much devoted to the health and life of her patients (Ami Abu had a one room clinic that eventually was established into a complete full fledge hospital). Despite of all three full commitment jobs she was able to stay sane and take care of her kids, husband, home and mother in law…
Ami and Abu had a good understanding, though Abu always had the upper hand and we used to tease ami by saying keh ami aap to patient ke prescription likh key neechey signature bhe G-Amjad likh key deiti hein … and she used to laugh on that … (Ami’s name is Ghazala Amjad and her Signatures were G-Amjad).
I don’t remember times when she was angry or scolded us or we had a good maar waala session … we recall her as polite and charming… ami ko daantna aata hee nahne tha ! … wo hass parti theeen … life was good , though busy … me and kami used to be with her at work as well. So there are glimpse and blurred memories… She used to leave us in the walker around her and we were always around … I remember Abu and Ami working day and nights … making their life and making their children’s life … and no doubt they gave us the best of everything … jab ami raaat ko thaakk key hospital sey ghar aati theen to hum ami key peechey parh jatey they to wo kehti theen keh baita bas mein abhee aye 2 dongey daal key – By that she meant to say a quick bath and kami used to stay out at the door of the bathroom and count keh kitney dongey ho gaye … and then cry out loud keh aap ney 2 dongey kaha tha ye o itney sarey ho gaye … magar wo mazey sey naha key nikalti theeen
8.20 AM, 10th of Muharram – 20th Jan 2008
I was affraid key un ko bed sores ho jayeen gay and discomfort ho ga un ko ... Ami always liked to be neat and clean and feel easy in bed. Me, Abu and Shani (youngest brother) applied lotion on her back. Kami was still asleep as he was also awake for the past 7 days and was on his feet throughout …
Life was tough for her, she along with Abu made so many things happen … raising kids into reasonable humans, educated and responsible, made home, established a fully equipped hospital and with hard work and passion she earned name, fame and respect. Years were passing … and we were growing ami had always been a soft corner and we used to share everything with her despite all obvious reservations.
In 1995 Ami started falling ill and in 1997 it was diagnosed that she had ‘Chorea’ – well it was the disease she was suffering from … she had involuntary body movements and that eventually it became tough for her to manage many regular things in her life … Well that was the time when I saw her irritable sometimes, impatient, she had mood swings, she often fell while walking, she was having all the strange symptoms of the disease yet she faced it with courage … her body coordination was not in her control and it was getting worse every day ! … in 1997 she went abroad for medical checkups and in year 2000 she took early retirement from Job.
The colourful butterfly, the sparkling star, the cheerful sparrow got bed ridden … wo jo sarey jahaan ko apni aaghosh mein sametey, her takleef key saamney aa jati the … wo hasti muskaraati – piyari se Ghazala ! jis ney logoon ke khidmet bhe kuch is terhaa kee jeisey ibaadat … ! koi un key is rawaye ke wajha sey un sey piyar kerta koi dur sey milney aata .. koi duaayein deita .. koi khuda ka autaar manta .. koi maaan deita – to koi maan leita … !
Phir ! aisey hallat they jeisey ek ek ker key apna aap qaabu sey bahir hota gaya ! … ek waqat the jab wo khana khaney mein mushkil ka saamna karti theen – to ek waqat tha jab paani bhe peeney key liye wo intezaar karti theen key koi aye aur un ka feeder un key hoontoon sey lagaye …magar koi aisa waqat na tha koi aisa lamha na tha jab is chulbalaati hoi zindage wali is hasti ney kabheee khuda sey yaa apney ird gird logoon sey koi gilla kiya ho … ! Sabar ! ka wo paiker .. key duniya kehti the ! hum is ko dekh nahen saktey is haal mein …aur ami poocho keisee ho? – to kehti theen .. Allha ka Shukar ! Behter ! haalaankeh ! waqat guzarta gaya aur un ke haalat dhalti rahi ! … bachey jawaan ho gaye .. aur jo aankoon mein khaab they wo waheen kaheen tham gaye … ! kabhe kabhe I used to aske her .. ami kiya sochti rehti ho ? kehti theen kuch nahen … and I used to think keh aulaad paida hoti hei to maa baaap kiya kiya khuab sajataye hein .. kiya kiya plan kartey hein .. aur aaj wo jawaan ho gaye aur wo lakh chahatey hoye bhe kuch nahen ker saktieen … mein sochti the – wo kiya kiya sochti hoon ge .. kiya mehsoon karti hoon ge .. be bass .. bister pe pari kon kon sey khwaaboon ko tootta dekhti hoon ge …! phir bhe is muflisi ko .. maathey pe ek bhe bal naa layee keisey piyar sey jhail rahe hein … jeisey ibaadat ker rahe hoon ! …sab key baawajood her memory was intact .. sab yaad tha sab pata tha … !
waqat guzarta gaya ! … magar aankoon mein ek ajeeb se … maasoomiyat … paas jao to itna piyar karney ko dil karey keh jee na bharey .. apney bachoon ke laadli … mian ke laadli … aulaad ney maa ko aulaad ke terha piyar kiya aur abu ney aisey sath kiya jeisey sath deiney ka waada kiya …!
Zindage un key gird kuch is terha ghoomney lagi keh lagta hai ! dharkan bhe un sey hei … saans bhe un sey ! … khushi bhe un sey hei … aur gham bhe … ! hum ney un ko kiya sey kiya hotey dekha ! takleef mein to bohat logoon ko deika hai . magar itney sabar key sath bas Ami ko ! baitoo ko UK jana para …mein paas reh gaye .. to ziada waqat bhe mera sath katta tha ! …bas mujh ko un ki aadat aur un ko mere aadat ho gaye the ! …
8.30 AM, 10th of Muharram – 20th Jan 2008
No one came till 8.30 and I decided to apply lotion and powder on her back my self … Abu and shani helped me to made ami sit while she was unconscious ! … may be in coma … we put her to easy after that – laid her back down on the bed ... while she was sitting with the pressure her eyes opened up … ! we saw her eyes after 3 days ! … we waved our hand in front of her eyes … and said … ami ! mein hooon .. nazar aaya ?jaaaani ! maamaaa ! mein sabeen – amma mein shani ! dekhoo naaaa ! kuch to bolo ! Gradually she closed her eyes again … beep of the cardiac monitor went on and on … beep beep beep beep …
Since 1995 she was not well – but in year 2000 when she opted for early retirement her condition dropped quickly… She experienced a fast and extremely devoted life … Hum to busy ho gaye apni life mein magar zindage ka hissar wo hee thenn.. kuch piryar karney ka andaaz kuch aisa tha key jaisy new born baby ko koi piyaar keita hai … ek maassom ka chehra ! aise aankheen jin mein dekh ker yoon lagta hee nahn tha keh duniya ki kissi burai ko is ney dekha hai aisaa clean Aura keh jis key paas honey sey khuda ke barkat ka ehsaas hota … ! wo baithi hoti theeen to u ko piyaar ker ker key dil nahen bhartaa tha … bas khaamoshi sey piyar leiti rehti theen … ! J mein poochti .. mamma maza aaraha hai wo kehteen .. Hmmm ! J mere jaaaaaaaaaaaan ! mera baby ! us key nakhun kaatna .. un ko nehlaana .. un ko feeder mein doodh pilaana … jab mein ofc se wapis aati to wo laiti hotein .. khaamoshi sey un ke peechey sey jaa key aahista sey kehna … Jaaani ! to unhooon ney aank jhapak key mere taraf dekhna … aur aankhoon mein ek chamak aa jati un key … ! jeisey keh rahee hoon ! “oyee aa gaye !” …
1st Jan 2008
Nayaa saal aaya .. mein ne aur mere friend leena ney pata nahen kiya kiya plans banaye … kuch zindage key kuch khushyoo key … kuch apnoon key liye … kuch ghairoon key liye … amma sratted loving her a lot ! she was my friend but amma ko bilkul ami ke terhaa hee piyaar karti ! … and Ami was fond of her as well ! … we planned things for Ami ! about her diet and her health … kami shani ka bhe plan tha Pakistan aaney ka .. kami was suppose to come on 30th Dec till 19 Jan and shani planned his leaves from 2nd feb till 19 feb … kami aaya to ami was happy … un ke farmayesh pe jo aaya tha ! … kaami aaya to ami got ill … since she was bed ridden order she used to choke while swallowing … kami and me had a very close physical contact with her ! … laadiaan kerna … un sey piyaar kerna - un ko khana khilana , pani pilana wagera .. and we both had seasonal flu – ami’s chest was not clear as well and we could hear the discomfort in her breath … we thought its regular flu that she caught ! but at the same time we had her chest X- Ray done … it showed something serious but the doctor did not mention us to immediately see a doctor… a day passed and on 9th Jan there was a bomb blast at Lahore GPO … all emergencies were overloaded and roads were blocked … I thought of taking the appointment the next day ! But the same night while I was feeding her ... She choked …! That was a regular thing she used to choke and after the exertion, discomfort and efforts of 30 mins she used to be back to normal … but that day! … It was a serious alarm towards something else … ! There was this thick secretion coming out from her lungs that she could not take out due to the weak physical condition … and it choked her again and again … – she actually aspirated the fluids from her stomach into the lungs that were apparent in the X-Ray report … but we didn’t know the severity of the situation. All we could do was to flush out the thick secretion coming out of her mouth with our hands while she was coughing and could not breath ! … she was getting blue and out of control … after the effort of 45 min I called the emergency service 1122 … and we shifter her to Surgimed hospital … while she was in the ambulance they took out the secretions through suction machine… doctors said she had aspiration pneumonia i.e she had inhaled stomach fluids and they have caused infection in her lungs ! … ab 4 days ho gaye and doctors key mutaabiq wo theek ho gayeen … b un key blood mein gasses key levels bhe bohat better they … doctors ney discharge ker diya aur hum ghar le aye … ghar aaney key baaad haalat kuch aise ho gaye jeisey … is qadar beichaini … keh tarapti theek kissi bebasi mein magar keh naa paateen keh masla kiya hai … hum poochtey … “mama ! jani … saans nahne aa raha .. dil ghabraa raha hai …. Kaheen dard hei … ?” magar koi jawaab na milta … medicines apni game chala rahe thee … hum apni … aur hum aur dawaiyaan mil key qudrat key nizaam key sath lag rahey they … magar khuda ke wo bandi .. himat key sath dono ka muqaabla ker rahe theen … phir 1 din baad hee neem comma ke halat ho gaye … us key vitals maintain kerna mushqil ho gaya … aur we took her back to the hospital …
Kami sath tha .. abu bhe … mein bhe … magar ek shaks ke kami the … aur wo shani tha .. sab sey chota and sab sey laadla ami ka laaj dulaara … J ami ko us ney shays bohat chotey hotey theek dekha ho ga .. magar barey hotey hee .. maaa ke maa ban key sambhala us ney ami ko … shiddat ka laad kerta … aur hathoon mein uthaa uthaa key yahan sey wahan phirta … ! un ko hasaaata .. un sey laadiyaan kerta … hum ko to shayed maa… maa ke terha yaad hai magar us ko shayed nahen pata maa keisey hoti hai …
16th Jan 2008
Ami ke haalat bigatri jaa rahe the … doctors kehtey they … un key lungs shadeed damaged hein … aur choon key wo saans nahen le paa raheeen wo oxygen levels nahen le paa raheeen .. is liye brain ko oxygen nahen mil rahee jis key wajha sey wo response nahen de raheen .. un ka dil ka rt side bhe damage ho gaya hai … we could see she was going slowly … aisey chipkey hoye they kami aur mein un key sath jeisey … billi ka ka murghi ka bacha maa key sath paida honey key foran baad chimta hota hai … maa key wajoon sey hee wo is duniya key her cheez ka muqabla ker raha hota hai .. is ehsaas key sath key maa kaa aanchal .. maa ka ssaya … mujh ko her takleef sey nikal key bahir le aye ga … sab family waley aa gay .. jeisye sab ko pata hei kuch ho janey wala hai … shani abhe tak nahn aaya tah … us ko hum ney bataya hee nahen tha keh halat aisey serious ho gaye hei… magar us din jab ami ko ICU mein le jaaney kee baat hoi to mera dil seham gaya keh ami needs shani’s … I insisted abu to tell him the exact situation and call him right away … mujho ko yaad aaya wo khwaab jo mein ney ami ke tabeyat kharaab honey sey pehley dekha tha … mein samandur mein hoon aur us key teez lehrein merey pairoon sey aa key zor ke takraati hein … mein sambhal key apney aap ko thaam leiti hoon .. aahista aasihta wo lehrein tham jaati hein … aur daryaa khushq ho jata hai … rait hee rait … khush .. mujh ko dur tak nazar aati hei … aur sochti hoon .. ye paani kahan gaya … samander key ander tag chalti jaati hoon … just to explore keh pani kahan gaya .. magar dur dur tak kuch nahen … Bas .. Khushki .. dur ek khaay naza aye magar … mein ney jaan liya keh aagey mujh ko nahen jaana… bas us key baad apney ghar key bahir apney aap ko paaya … bhai key sath … kuch hal chal the … log aa jaa rahey they … ajeeb se gehma gehmi the … ab taka mi ka liver bhe fail ho chukka tha …
us din sey dil baichain tha … aakhir shani ko ticket mil gaya wo subha aaney wala tha … wo raaat ami bohat baichain teeen … saaans ukharta tha … aankein band hoti jaa rahe theeen … mein ney ami sey kaha “amii ! shani aa raha hai …” ye keh key aankoon mein aansoo aa jatey .. q key ye dart ha key wo waqat pe pohanch jaye … ! … raat key 3 bajey aakhiri baar aankein kholi unhoon ney ! … us key baad baichain … sakhat baichain … sansoon key lar rahe theen … subh key 8 bajey … mein un ko tiktiki band key dekh rahe the …
Lahore Airport sey shani ka phone aaya … bola … aur haalaat ke sangeeni ko bina janey us la lehjaa kuch aisaa tha ? “Sabiiiii ! KEISEE HOOO … amii ka kiya haal hai ?” mein ney kaha … haan she is waiting for u … I couldn’t say anything after that … ... keh kamrey ka darwaaza khula aur shani mere aankhoon key saamney tha ! … mera dil baichain tha … saans ruk raha tha mera … mein ney kaha “Amii ! bas 2 aur ghantey …” un key hathooon ko choomti … chehrey ko choomti … pawoon ko choomti … balloon mein hath pairti .. chain naa atta to bas dekhti jaati … waqat guzarta gaya ..
aur wo lamha aaya ! keh kamrey ka darwaza khula aur shani mre aankoon key saamney tha wo hairan pareshaan nazar nahe aata tha .. bohat sambhla hoa bohat simta hoa .. bohat zimaadaari key sath aander aaya .. khamoosh tha ami key paas aaya … galey lagaya .. awaaz de aur bola Amiii ! ami ke aankheen ushee terha band .. saans ruki ruki … kamrey mein ghuppp khamoshi … aur cardiac monitor ke awaz … Beep Beep Beeep … mujh sey bola .. ami sedated hein kiya ? mein boli … HMMM ! kehney laga kab tak asar khatam ho ga … mein boli ! … thora waqat lagta hei .. marzi sey uth jayeen gee … bola achaaa ! aura mi ko dekhkney laga jeisey pata nahen kiya kiya parh raha ho .. bola ami kamzoor ho gaye hein … ? mein boli … HMMM … bas un ko dekhney laga .. piyaar karney laga … ! bas I wanted keh kissi haqeeqat ko wo lafzoon mein na jaaney .. khud sey hee explore kerta jayee .. shayed dhajka kum lagey … q keh .. dil sey hum sab jantey they keh … wo kuch hee pal humarey paas hein … waqat guzarta gaya ! … aur pata chala … us din un ke doono kidneys bhe fail ho gaye hein … ! hum tiktiki bandh key dekhtey rahey un key cardiac Monitor ko … un ke bosy mein oxygen key leves ko … un ke urin bag ko magar sab fail tha ! kuch bhe normal nahen tha ! …
kissi ney kaha .. baita kalma parho … to aisey jeisey dil mein teeeeeees uth gaye hooo ! … jab hum un key sath lag key kalma parhtey … aur wo nanhey nanhey saans leiteen to dil chahata kissi terha un ko samet lein apney ander .. in takleeef no noch noch key nikaal dein … ! magar Kuda aur insaan mein jo faraq hei na wo saaf zahir hei .. insaan key bas mein kuch bhe nahen aur Khuda key bas mein sab kuch ! …. Doctors aatey hum sey opinion leitey .. family ka consent leitey keh … kiya is ko ICU mein le jayeen Ventilator pe rakh dein … magar ye soch key keh … kiya hum itney zalim ho jayeen keh … jis maa ko phooloon ke terha rakha … itna piyaar kiya .. itnaa laad kiya aap us ke saans ja khatam ho rahe hei to zabardast us ko tafleef dey ke .. qudrat key sath jhagrey Mol key un ko jeeney pe majboor karein ? aapsa mein faisla kartey aur doctor sey kehtey ! … Doctor we cant give her more pain ….. so bas … ek dawaa key zarye un ko dheerey dheerey janey ka moqa deiney lage … ! second guzar rahey they .. sansein ukhar rahe the .. hism mein baichaini barh rahe the … aur wohee awaaz Beep Beep Beep ! …
Khuda ke qasam … bhe kitna piyar kerta hei apney bandoon sey ! … kehtey hein kisi baat mein khuda ki kiya maslehat wo to khuda hee janey .. magar aisa bhe hota hai keh jeisey jaisey pal guzartey they maslehat nazar aati the … hum wohee bachey they us maa key jo maa ko cheenk bhe aaye to be tab ho jatey .. khaansi aa jaye to hath aagey ker leitey … magar aaj is qadar be bas … ! aur wo maa jis ney itni takleef key baawajood kabhe uff na kiya … aaaj bhe uff na kiya madhoosh macheinoon key aasrey pari hei … wo khuda janta hei keh ye mere sabir bandi hei aur ye is key ladley bachey .. aur bachoon ke ye laadli … aisey nahen le jaa sakta mein is ko ek dam sey … ye to sab jeetey jee marr jayeen gay … tu wo bhe hum ko us level pe laaya keh … us raat mein ney ami key kaan mein kaha … Ammmaa ! bass karo kiss sey itni jang … ! itna sabar q ? … jab doctors humara consent leitey to mein wapis ami key paas aa key un sey poochti .. Ami y u doing this to us ? u know we can let u go … magar aap ko tafleef mein nahen dekh sktey .. aur takleef nahen de saktey … ! aur jawaab mein un ka wo hee tootta hoa saans milta … ! us din ! shaam mein wo lamha aaya jab youun lagta tha keh … bas shayed ye aakhri saans hei ! hum sab waheen they ! kalma parh rahey they … ek lamhey pea mi ke baichaini is qadar they key Oxygen utaar de key wo relieved ho jayeen .. magar foran himmat toot gaye… ! sarrai raat guzar gaye … magar ab tak wo sakoonm ein aa gaye theen q keh us ke last life support bhe hum utarwaa chukey they … hum samjhtey rahey hum us ka sahara (support) baney rahey ! … haalanky wo Allah ke bandi ! apni will power pe hee lar rahe theen aur hum insaan Khuda key zaat sey lar rahey they shayed .. jitni saansein us ney likhi .. wo hee puri ker rahe theen shayed …
8.30 AM, 10th of Muharram – 20th Jan 2008
"Beep Beep Beep …" Sister came in the room and mein ney kami shani abu ko bola aap bahir jaaao mein ami ko fresh up ker doon … ! I could see her calm now … halki halki saans … Ahhhh ! hum ney bas abhe pamber hee change kiya tha keh ! mein chal key un ke sarhaaney gaye … aur uunchi awaz mein merey mun sey nikla … Yaa Allha Reham ! .. ushee lamhey jab mein wais saamney aye to … BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP Cardiac Monitor ------ Ami ka Ruk Chukka tha .. mein walked ami key paas ! I ask Amiiii ! mein ney un key seeney pe hath rakha … ! Kuch mehsoos nahen hoa … mein ney zor ka hillaya .. Boli AMMMI ! koi jawaab nahen aaya … ! sister bhag key doc ko le key ayeen aur ECG lagayee and mere aankhoon key saamney … ECG mein sey ek strip jis pe ek seedhee lakeer the saamney aaye … ! wo jo nanha sad il abh tak dharak raha tha .. Chup ho chukaa tha … ! Ami jaatey jaatey na kuch kehtey hoye bhe kiya kuch keh gayeen … she told us tum log mere support nahn baney rahey ? mere will power kafee thee … Khuda kiya hei ye maa bata gayee .. hum kiya hein ye bhe maa bata gaye … Khuda hum sey kiss qadar piyar kerta hei ye bhe bata gaye .. Allha un sey kitna piyar kerta hai ! … Ye bata gayeen keh Mot sey bari koi haqeeqat nahen aur insaan kitna be bass hei … Khud chali gayeen aur dher sari yaadein chor gayeen
mi lived with dignity Died with dignity…
Aakhi baat jo mein ney mama se kahi ! un ko ghusal de key jab laitaa diya tha ! to un ka face mashallah noor ke terha tha .. itns sakoon ko jeetey jee hum un ko nahen de sakey .. itna peace .. keh shayed jo maa key liye hum kaheen sey khareed key nahen laa saktey they …
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My Last Words To Her
I looked at her … and there were tears in my eyes ! … and a smile on mu lips … i was calm and in control ! … i said to her… Ami u have been the best mother, I am so honoured I am ur child … I love u so much I will miss u so much but I know you are at a much better place … May Allha bless Your Soul in peace ... AMIN !
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Comments
Saifullah Shafiq
to me
Hello Sabeen,
My name is Saif. I live in USA. I didn't know who you were. I was looking for someone else on the internet when I found your blog by chance. Just read the post about your mother and that brought tears to my eyes, couldn't stop myself from writing you an email. I salute you for being such a wonderful daughter and I salute your mother for raising such an obedient and caring daughter. May her soul rest in peace (AMEEN) and May Allah give you the courage and power to become like her and May Allah give all of us the wisdom to learn and be like you.
Wish you all the best
Saif
Dear Sabeen,AOA it is absolutely lovely, bohot hi pyara hai I loved reading all of it it was very touching and very lovely way to remember a lovely lady.... Love Amber
Dear sabeen,It is very sad to know all this and I'm really sorry to hear about your mother's death. she seemed like she was an angel. Allah might be with her. May Allah bestow her with the best of Aakhirat and may he give u and the rest of the family sabr to deal with such a great loss. She had a beautiful life. May Allah give her the best place in heaven and reward her Jannat. it is a matter of pleasure for me to write to you now. in fact you are a great personality.
I read your column which inspires me a lot
God bless you
Regards, Ijaz
Dear Sabeen, My prayers will always be there.The blog you wrote literally brought tears to my eyes. Hope you recieved my last email. Will Inshallah see you very soon. Take care! Hina.
Posted by Sabeen Inam at Tuesday, January 22, 2008
14 comments:
Muzna Humayun said...
Dear sabeen,
I'm really sorry to hear about your mother's death and so are hundreds of people out there as we can see.After reading through all that...all I can say is "wow"...she seemed like she was an angel. If everyone here is singing praises of her, you can well imagine how content Allah might be with her. May Allah bestow her with the best of Aakhirat and may he give u and the rest of the family sabr to deal with such a great loss. She had a beautiful smile sabeen. You can tell from her face that she forwarded the same smile to a lot of people out there. May Allah give her the best place in heaven.
Wednesday, 23 January 2008 22:03:00 GMT+05:00
Shresth said...
Dear Sabeen,
I have been reading your blogs for quite some time now. You don't know me and i have never seen you in person. I pray that "Allah" gives you strength and courage to fulfill all of your dear mother's wishes.May the smile of your mother live through all the good work that you will be doing.
My best wishes.
Regards
Sunday, 3 February 2008 23:09:00 GMT+05:00
Saqib said...
Yaar, Jennyy tum hai pata hai ke ye tumhara bhai jaldi ro parta hai - but reading your blog made me cry a lot. It was so touching. I have my own memories of her but my favourites are the 3 living memories she left behind whom I am proud to have as my dearest cousins. You are a credit to her life and to your Father.
Speak soon.
Saqib Bhai
Wednesday, 13 February 2008 02:31:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
Dear Sabeen,
How've u been? Hope life is getting back to normal, things have started to becoming smooth again and a gorgeous smile is back on ur face. Today i perused some of the posts their on ur blog n especially the one posted by Kamran; it was really touching. Family pics were really awesome especially the one featuring u n mother. Today i came to know that u've inherited ur b'utiful smile from none other than ur mother and i suggest u must keep it on ur face cuz (besides other things) ur smile n ur eyes wud remind ppl of her and obviously u too wud like others to c her in u. So keep smiling, stay happy n take gud care of urself. InshAllah all the happiness will be coming back in ur life v. soon n that too in a great deal. God bless!!! bye.
Wajahat Iqbal
Business Systems Analyst
Planning & Implementation
Mobilink IT, Lahore
Tel.: +92-42-5754220 ext. 3056
Fax: +92-42-5752347
Cell: +92-300-4350250
Email: wajahat.iqbal@mobilink.net
Wednesday, 13 February 2008 13:49:00 GMT+05:00
Muneeb said...
Dear Sabeen,
Ayesha and I are greatly touched after reading the memoir about your longest journey with your family. Tears were hard to stop and I don't remember ever being unable to control my tears, and I failed badly this time.
I must thank you for sharing your feelings that would help us putting priorities in perspective and for reminding us of all the good times we had shared with Chachi and you all. Just remineded me when I had to act as a girl in a university drama. She gave me her clothes and make-up and told me how to act. I wonder if I still have the video.
Chachi was a great lady who was always there for her family, friends, patients, anyone who needed help. I dont think you would about her efforts in nurturing you when you born and growing up while juggling with all the other chores. We saw all that as your elders. I am glad that you all have honoured her efforts for you with your love and care while she was not well. She was a really lucky person that her family was with her till the end.
She went trough life like a roller coaster. We witnessed her and Chacha working hard growing the one-room clinic and an old house to a multi-storey full-fledged hospital and a great home that was open for everyone all the time. Believe me it is not easy to do that, now that we are some times in similar situations.
I really enjoyed the G. Ajmad part. Reminded me of so may funny situations.
To sum it all, she was a great person, and I hope you will continue the legacy.
Allah only tests those HE loves. We will always pray that Allah blesses her with the best place in Janat and makes you all a source of forgiveness for her and elevating of her place in Janat. Amen
Salaam,
Muneeb Bhai
Saturday, 16 February 2008 23:29:00 GMT+05:00
Muneeb said...
Dear Sabeen Popho,
This is Saneeya. I read your writing and it was very touching, sad, and made me cry...how are you feeling?? Is Amjad Dada feeling well? I talked to Kami Chachu on MSN. How is Shani Chachu?? It must be very hard to go through this. You are a great daughter, you took care of your mother with so much love, I hope I will become like you one day. May Allah send Dadi to Heaven. Ameen.
Love, Saneeya
Sunday, 17 February 2008 01:29:00 GMT+05:00
Rafia said...
Dear Sabeen
I have not had a chance to read your blog till today and have spent the best of the last 30 mins reading some wonderful stuff about Ghazala Mami.
You are 100% correct that when one leaves, all that is left behind is memories but it is these memories that keep our loved ones in our hearts and we never forget them.
I cannot express my emotions when the night before I was flying back I was at the hospital. It was the 19th Jan and 2 days before Mami Jaan passed away. At that point we all knew that she was leaving us and it was a matter of time but I cannot express my feelings of holding her hand knowing this will be the last time I will see her. I know life and death is unpreditable but at that point and on leaving I knew that I wouldnt be seeing her again on my next visit to Lahore and it was a sense of helplessness. It was a difficult moment for me.....and very emotional.
In your notes you mention about Mami Jaan coming to the UK in 1997 for further medical tests. I have some very fond memories of this trip. Mami Jaan in 1997 was fine in the sense she was self sufficient to walk around and everything. It was the early stages of her illness and my memories are of dragging mahmoo and mami jaan all over London to show them around. however the highlight was when in the evening we went to Madam Tussaids and finally in the planetarium. It has been a long day and we were all tired. The lights went out and as they did, Mahmoo fell asleep. Now we all know what happens when Mahmoo falls asleep and the famous Amjad Hussain snoring started! People turned around and stared and Mami Jaan very quickly said, in her own unique style 'AAAAAMMMMJAAAD!' to wake mahmoo up. 5 mins later Mahmoo did it again, and both me and mami jaan were in fits and to be honest pleased to be out of the planetarium when it ended!! Although mahmoo wasnt to pleased!!
For any 7 year old, a birthday is an important event. It was March 1983 and we had just moved to Pakistan from England. For me it was my first birthday to be held in a new country, new home and it was an important day. I have very clear memories of an excellent birthday party held at 46 D in defence, our first home. We had all the family over and Mami jaan got all the kids up to dance and jump around. It was great fun and she was the centre of activity. Saqib and Kashif bhai were going through a difficult time at that stage where they both were a mixture of wanna be's between Michael Jackson and Mithun Chakraborty! I still remember Mami Jaan encouraging them with their dance moves but I bet inside she was probably enjoying the 2 wanna be super stars performing their pop star moves! It was an excellent 7th birthday!
I remember the eid get togethers and Mami Jaan's chicken salun! She made one of the best chicken saluns which were delicious. I was a bigh fan!
Some very fond memories indeed and it is these memories that keeps those who have left us, alive in our hearts.
May allah blessh mami jaan a place in janaat. Ameen.
Lots of love
Amer Bhai.
17 Feb 2008
Sunday, 17 February 2008 12:19:00 GMT+05:00
Shirazi said...
It is a big loss; no doubt. And you have a nice tribute here.
Light Within
Sunday, 17 February 2008 13:50:00 GMT+05:00
maria said...
My Dear Sabeen,
I have never seen you or ur lovely Mom but after reading ur memoirs, i was so touched and felt deep pain inside that i cant express my feelings. I love your Mom, she was one of the most beautiful creatures of Almighty. And you and your family had faced the dilemma of losing someone like her. I love you, and am always here for u, whenever u feel, u can call me, visit me anytime, i am just an sms away.
May Allah rest her soul in Peace and bless courage and strength to your family to live without her. Ameen Summa Ameen.
Maria Effendi
Sunday, 17 February 2008 18:24:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
Dear Sabeen,
It is very beautifully written. You have described your mother in the best possible way. I must say that she was very lucky to have you three as her kids and Amjad Mamu as her husband. You all took great care of her and always stood behind her. She was extremely fortunate to have her family by her side till the end and this would've had made everything easy for her. It must be a tough time for you but trust me it will bring the very best in you and i/a Allah will reward you for this.
She had a very pleasant personality and was loved by everyone in the family. We all have our own share of memories with her.
My favourite picture is her childhood one where she looks exactly " a very laadly beti of your Agha Jan"........
In the end I would like to say that she is going to be greatly remembered as a very warm, affectionate and kind person.
May Allah grant you peace and bless her with a good life hereafter.........Amen!!!
Anbreen.
Wednesday, 20 February 2008 11:29:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
Salam..!
Hope u r coping urself well..
I am totally shocked to hear the news of ur mother's sad demise..
May Allah rest her soul in peache..Ameen..and grant u lots of pateince to bear this loss...
I just read ur complete blog as well...it is very touchy..and took my heart away...cant stop myself crying..:(
may allah give u and ur family patience..
i can imagine how hard it is for u..:(
dont know wat else to say..
am speechless...................
sara
Wednesday, 20 February 2008 11:30:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
Dear Sabeen
I am with you at this sad moment, it is a great loss for the family may God give her best place in Jannat ul Firdous.
sincerely yours
Naeema
Wednesday, 20 February 2008 11:30:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
AoA
how are you? Last day you came for the cheque but i couldn't tell you this due to the presence of the visiting professor.
well i read the blog, bohat hi dil afsurda hua......but i would like to appreciate you, kay aap nein apni walda ko un maukon per support di
jab jab un ko aap ki zaroorat mahsoos hui.....shayed yehi sabab hai kay woh khuda se gila nahi kar sakein. Hats off to you.
Apki walda ki professional details pardh kar aur ziada afsoos hua....because......mujh se aap nein pehlay to kabhi zikr nahi kya tha kay she was the owner of Ghazala Clinic,....mujhe to chehlam ka pardh kar pata chala,........well,...........your mother was the first one, who hold me in the air, in this world. I born in Ghazala Clinic in 1984. Humari to aik arsay tak bardi association rahi thi un ke saath, but with the passage of time, dobara mulakat na ho saki. Mere 2 cousin bhi wahein paida hue the....phoppo kay betay,.....aik 1983 mein hua tha aur us ka chota bhai 1985 mein hua tha.....actually my father was at that time in GCP, aur Ghazala clinic GCP kay panel pay tha so abu wahein jaya karte the.....kuch bhi hota to kehtay the kay "Ghazala kol Chalo". 1992 mein abu nein GCP chord ko chord diya tha and he went abroad, aur ghar bhi hum nein change kar liya tha,....so us kay baad clinic nahein gaye..........mujhe thorda thorda yaad hai kay jab mujhe ' jaundice ' hua tha at age of 5 tab bhi mein Ghazala clinic hi admit hua tha...
mein nein ghar ja kar ammi abu ko jab bataya aap ki ammi kay baray mein to un ko bohat shock laga aur bohat afsoos hua....they just couldn't believe. They prayed for her. I told my mother that one who talked with you today on your cell phone was her daughter, she remembered you when you was a little girl, hanging around in the clinic.
" Ajab Marhaloon mein Dafan hai Zindigi
Kabhi Pairahan Kabhi Kafan hai Zindigi
Alfaz kay dareechoon mein zeir o zabar hai
Dard kay oraaq pe likha Sukhan hai Zindigi
Poocha jo Zindigi ka to woh Ruk k Bolay
Hasrat o Aarzo hai, Tan Man hai Zindigi
Lehd e Madar pe phir Ja Kay Us nein Kaha
Yawar, Is deyaar meri madfan hai Zindigi "
Be Strong,....i know mother is like no other. But this is life.
God bless you.
Take Care.
Syed Yawar Abbas Bokharee
Thursday, 21 February 2008 12:54:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
Hello,hope ur'e in the best of ur'e health. The intensity level of u ppl towards your mom is simply phenominal.Your'e blog shook my senses with tears rolling down my eyes. Something which is rarely seen these days.An example of true Love. Maa' is that special and unique being that can never be replaced. She is the one who wud still find her child the most beautiful one among all,the one who can only wish and advice the best without any doubt. Next to God's love is the love of maa'. It's the most geniune one. I salute your mom who suffered the most and I salute you people too for being the best care taker of her and also for setting the best example of a relationship between a mother and her child.
If you are proud of having such a wonderful mother , then am sure that your mother must also be proud of having such "GREAT" kids.
Keep the faith.
And may Lord rest her soul in peace.Amen!
stream of my thoughts - written as they came in my head - excuse for the mistakes -
8.00 AM, 10th of Muharram – 20th Jan 2008
It was 8.00 am, 10th of Muharram and I was asleep while sitting in a chair that was lying next to the bed on which Ami as lying. My face and head were rested near her shoulder on a pillow. One of my hand was rested on her hand so that I know she is still breathing … It had been 10 Days that Ami was critically ill and being hospitalised and precisely for two days, she was unconcious . The door opened and the sister came in .... she switched the light on and with that little disturbance I woke up … it had been 5 day that I did no sleep properly and the moment I woke up I felt a stiffness in my neck…She came in to check ami’s vitals. I looked at the cardiac monitor it showed the blood pressure as 60/30. I looked at Ami’s face …she was fast asleep … her breaths were very short and laboured… but this was the way we were watching her for the past 3 days …
My Mother ! Since I remember, I have seen this lady, kind hearted, extremely loving, energetic, concerned, multi task handler …
She was a doctor by profession, ... also wife, a mother , a daughter, a sister , a daughter / sister in law …
For relatives and family she was a comfy cushion who was always ready to help and provide shelter, for her patients she was someone who could just gulp all their , their sorrows – No mater whatever they come up with, she would made them feel at easy by her polite and concerned attitude, as a government official and as a lecturer she was the most favourite doctor around, she was like a butterfly who would fly from one place to another and people would be inspired by the wonderfully open aura that generated.
.... for her husband she was the best support, his love and his best friend, a partner for a life …
and for her kids … she was …….. SO MUCH !
Ami was born on 16th of February 1952, and since then she was a laadli of my maternal father (Agha Jaan). After her schooling and intermediate she came to Lahore (Year 1971) for higher studies and she wanted to be a doctor. She studied in Fatima Jinnah Medical College and passed out in 1976.
In her college days she was the most lively and extremely charming girl. She was an entertainer and loved to be entertained … I remember when we used to gossip about typical petty things and go out shopping on Rikshaw, we used to enjoy dali bhallas, samosas and milk shake at dhani ram road anarkali… 
Ahhh ! yaadein kahan sey kahan le gayeen … Kher lets go back to her college days … she was famous for the way she used to perform Dhamaal and was known as Dhamalo. She had always been the centre of attraction and someone who would spread laughter everywhere… she was a laughing, sparkling little star that would jump from here and there, and her bright voice could be heard and her presence could be felt from ground floor to the top floor and from one corner to the other corner of the hostel/college. One of her friends Prof. Rakshanda Rehman tells me that she was a happy soul and spread happiness all over. In her college days she met Abu and they both fell in love J … Abu used to hide it from us because he always thought it was too personal or may be he was afraid that we might fall in love with someone … whatever it was .. ami always used to smile and enjoy when we asked her keh aap aur abu kahan miley they ? what did Abu give you as the first gift? How did he propose you? When you had your first fights after marriage… etc etc… Well, These love birds got married on 6th April 1978 …
8.15 AM, 10th of Muharram – 20th Jan 2008
Memories were bashing over my mind and I was watching her lying in the bed … deeply asleep, there was no sound in the room but the beep of the cardiac monitor … that was telling me every moment that she was still breathing. I asked the medical staff that ami might get bed sores so I wanted to apply lotion and powder on her back, change her pamper, clothes and bed sheet … she wanted to leave as her duty time was over. She checked Ami’s vitals and told me that she was sending the nurse on duty. I waited till 8.15 am …
There were 4 members in the room ... (Me, Abu Shani and Kami) – no one had the courage to go home or even out of that room as we never knew what would happen next …
23rd Feb 1979, 23rd Nov 1980 and 28th Aug 1985 … mumma gave birth to her three babies … 1 daughter and 2 sons … I was the eldest (sabeen), then kamran (kami) and then zeeshan (shani).
We used to tease her sometimes keh ami! Han han wo ziada laadla/ laadli hei .. mein to gaud liya hoa / le hoi hoon … to wo kehti theen .. nahen mein ney bohat mushqil sey paida kiya hai … we all were forceps deliveries and one can imagine if they have been through it how painful it would be … ! Other than that jiss maa ney 9 maah tak apney reham mein rakha us key jism sey saas liya aur khuraaq bhe grown to a level that we were able to breath on our own ... phir us mein wo dard jis ko seh key unfoon ney hum ko paida kiya. Yet today after spending 28 years with her I feel only blessed people are privileged to have what we have had…
we love her so much that every beat that is originated and every breath that we take and every smile that comes on our lips and every tear that wets our eyes revolves around her. When we were kids ... we saw her in our house making it a home, we saw her as assistant professor of physiology at FJMC as someone who is an inspiration for young doctors, we have seen her in the clinic as someone who was so much devoted to the health and life of her patients (Ami Abu had a one room clinic that eventually was established into a complete full fledge hospital). Despite of all three full commitment jobs she was able to stay sane and take care of her kids, husband, home and mother in law…
Ami and Abu had a good understanding, though Abu always had the upper hand and we used to tease ami by saying keh ami aap to patient ke prescription likh key neechey signature bhe G-Amjad likh key deiti hein … and she used to laugh on that … (Ami’s name is Ghazala Amjad and her Signatures were G-Amjad).
I don’t remember times when she was angry or scolded us or we had a good maar waala session … we recall her as polite and charming… ami ko daantna aata hee nahne tha ! … wo hass parti theeen … life was good , though busy … me and kami used to be with her at work as well. So there are glimpse and blurred memories… She used to leave us in the walker around her and we were always around … I remember Abu and Ami working day and nights … making their life and making their children’s life … and no doubt they gave us the best of everything … jab ami raaat ko thaakk key hospital sey ghar aati theen to hum ami key peechey parh jatey they to wo kehti theen keh baita bas mein abhee aye 2 dongey daal key – By that she meant to say a quick bath and kami used to stay out at the door of the bathroom and count keh kitney dongey ho gaye … and then cry out loud keh aap ney 2 dongey kaha tha ye o itney sarey ho gaye … magar wo mazey sey naha key nikalti theeen
8.20 AM, 10th of Muharram – 20th Jan 2008I was affraid key un ko bed sores ho jayeen gay and discomfort ho ga un ko ... Ami always liked to be neat and clean and feel easy in bed. Me, Abu and Shani (youngest brother) applied lotion on her back. Kami was still asleep as he was also awake for the past 7 days and was on his feet throughout …
Life was tough for her, she along with Abu made so many things happen … raising kids into reasonable humans, educated and responsible, made home, established a fully equipped hospital and with hard work and passion she earned name, fame and respect. Years were passing … and we were growing ami had always been a soft corner and we used to share everything with her despite all obvious reservations.
In 1995 Ami started falling ill and in 1997 it was diagnosed that she had ‘Chorea’ – well it was the disease she was suffering from … she had involuntary body movements and that eventually it became tough for her to manage many regular things in her life … Well that was the time when I saw her irritable sometimes, impatient, she had mood swings, she often fell while walking, she was having all the strange symptoms of the disease yet she faced it with courage … her body coordination was not in her control and it was getting worse every day ! … in 1997 she went abroad for medical checkups and in year 2000 she took early retirement from Job.
The colourful butterfly, the sparkling star, the cheerful sparrow got bed ridden … wo jo sarey jahaan ko apni aaghosh mein sametey, her takleef key saamney aa jati the … wo hasti muskaraati – piyari se Ghazala ! jis ney logoon ke khidmet bhe kuch is terhaa kee jeisey ibaadat … ! koi un key is rawaye ke wajha sey un sey piyar kerta koi dur sey milney aata .. koi duaayein deita .. koi khuda ka autaar manta .. koi maaan deita – to koi maan leita … !
Phir ! aisey hallat they jeisey ek ek ker key apna aap qaabu sey bahir hota gaya ! … ek waqat the jab wo khana khaney mein mushkil ka saamna karti theen – to ek waqat tha jab paani bhe peeney key liye wo intezaar karti theen key koi aye aur un ka feeder un key hoontoon sey lagaye …magar koi aisa waqat na tha koi aisa lamha na tha jab is chulbalaati hoi zindage wali is hasti ney kabheee khuda sey yaa apney ird gird logoon sey koi gilla kiya ho … ! Sabar ! ka wo paiker .. key duniya kehti the ! hum is ko dekh nahen saktey is haal mein …aur ami poocho keisee ho? – to kehti theen .. Allha ka Shukar ! Behter ! haalaankeh ! waqat guzarta gaya aur un ke haalat dhalti rahi ! … bachey jawaan ho gaye .. aur jo aankoon mein khaab they wo waheen kaheen tham gaye … ! kabhe kabhe I used to aske her .. ami kiya sochti rehti ho ? kehti theen kuch nahen … and I used to think keh aulaad paida hoti hei to maa baaap kiya kiya khuab sajataye hein .. kiya kiya plan kartey hein .. aur aaj wo jawaan ho gaye aur wo lakh chahatey hoye bhe kuch nahen ker saktieen … mein sochti the – wo kiya kiya sochti hoon ge .. kiya mehsoon karti hoon ge .. be bass .. bister pe pari kon kon sey khwaaboon ko tootta dekhti hoon ge …! phir bhe is muflisi ko .. maathey pe ek bhe bal naa layee keisey piyar sey jhail rahe hein … jeisey ibaadat ker rahe hoon ! …sab key baawajood her memory was intact .. sab yaad tha sab pata tha … !
waqat guzarta gaya ! … magar aankoon mein ek ajeeb se … maasoomiyat … paas jao to itna piyar karney ko dil karey keh jee na bharey .. apney bachoon ke laadli … mian ke laadli … aulaad ney maa ko aulaad ke terha piyar kiya aur abu ney aisey sath kiya jeisey sath deiney ka waada kiya …!
Zindage un key gird kuch is terha ghoomney lagi keh lagta hai ! dharkan bhe un sey hei … saans bhe un sey ! … khushi bhe un sey hei … aur gham bhe … ! hum ney un ko kiya sey kiya hotey dekha ! takleef mein to bohat logoon ko deika hai . magar itney sabar key sath bas Ami ko ! baitoo ko UK jana para …mein paas reh gaye .. to ziada waqat bhe mera sath katta tha ! …bas mujh ko un ki aadat aur un ko mere aadat ho gaye the ! …
8.30 AM, 10th of Muharram – 20th Jan 2008
No one came till 8.30 and I decided to apply lotion and powder on her back my self … Abu and shani helped me to made ami sit while she was unconscious ! … may be in coma … we put her to easy after that – laid her back down on the bed ... while she was sitting with the pressure her eyes opened up … ! we saw her eyes after 3 days ! … we waved our hand in front of her eyes … and said … ami ! mein hooon .. nazar aaya ?jaaaani ! maamaaa ! mein sabeen – amma mein shani ! dekhoo naaaa ! kuch to bolo ! Gradually she closed her eyes again … beep of the cardiac monitor went on and on … beep beep beep beep …
Since 1995 she was not well – but in year 2000 when she opted for early retirement her condition dropped quickly… She experienced a fast and extremely devoted life … Hum to busy ho gaye apni life mein magar zindage ka hissar wo hee thenn.. kuch piryar karney ka andaaz kuch aisa tha key jaisy new born baby ko koi piyaar keita hai … ek maassom ka chehra ! aise aankheen jin mein dekh ker yoon lagta hee nahn tha keh duniya ki kissi burai ko is ney dekha hai aisaa clean Aura keh jis key paas honey sey khuda ke barkat ka ehsaas hota … ! wo baithi hoti theeen to u ko piyaar ker ker key dil nahen bhartaa tha … bas khaamoshi sey piyar leiti rehti theen … ! J mein poochti .. mamma maza aaraha hai wo kehteen .. Hmmm ! J mere jaaaaaaaaaaaan ! mera baby ! us key nakhun kaatna .. un ko nehlaana .. un ko feeder mein doodh pilaana … jab mein ofc se wapis aati to wo laiti hotein .. khaamoshi sey un ke peechey sey jaa key aahista sey kehna … Jaaani ! to unhooon ney aank jhapak key mere taraf dekhna … aur aankhoon mein ek chamak aa jati un key … ! jeisey keh rahee hoon ! “oyee aa gaye !” …
1st Jan 2008
Nayaa saal aaya .. mein ne aur mere friend leena ney pata nahen kiya kiya plans banaye … kuch zindage key kuch khushyoo key … kuch apnoon key liye … kuch ghairoon key liye … amma sratted loving her a lot ! she was my friend but amma ko bilkul ami ke terhaa hee piyaar karti ! … and Ami was fond of her as well ! … we planned things for Ami ! about her diet and her health … kami shani ka bhe plan tha Pakistan aaney ka .. kami was suppose to come on 30th Dec till 19 Jan and shani planned his leaves from 2nd feb till 19 feb … kami aaya to ami was happy … un ke farmayesh pe jo aaya tha ! … kaami aaya to ami got ill … since she was bed ridden order she used to choke while swallowing … kami and me had a very close physical contact with her ! … laadiaan kerna … un sey piyaar kerna - un ko khana khilana , pani pilana wagera .. and we both had seasonal flu – ami’s chest was not clear as well and we could hear the discomfort in her breath … we thought its regular flu that she caught ! but at the same time we had her chest X- Ray done … it showed something serious but the doctor did not mention us to immediately see a doctor… a day passed and on 9th Jan there was a bomb blast at Lahore GPO … all emergencies were overloaded and roads were blocked … I thought of taking the appointment the next day ! But the same night while I was feeding her ... She choked …! That was a regular thing she used to choke and after the exertion, discomfort and efforts of 30 mins she used to be back to normal … but that day! … It was a serious alarm towards something else … ! There was this thick secretion coming out from her lungs that she could not take out due to the weak physical condition … and it choked her again and again … – she actually aspirated the fluids from her stomach into the lungs that were apparent in the X-Ray report … but we didn’t know the severity of the situation. All we could do was to flush out the thick secretion coming out of her mouth with our hands while she was coughing and could not breath ! … she was getting blue and out of control … after the effort of 45 min I called the emergency service 1122 … and we shifter her to Surgimed hospital … while she was in the ambulance they took out the secretions through suction machine… doctors said she had aspiration pneumonia i.e she had inhaled stomach fluids and they have caused infection in her lungs ! … ab 4 days ho gaye and doctors key mutaabiq wo theek ho gayeen … b un key blood mein gasses key levels bhe bohat better they … doctors ney discharge ker diya aur hum ghar le aye … ghar aaney key baaad haalat kuch aise ho gaye jeisey … is qadar beichaini … keh tarapti theek kissi bebasi mein magar keh naa paateen keh masla kiya hai … hum poochtey … “mama ! jani … saans nahne aa raha .. dil ghabraa raha hai …. Kaheen dard hei … ?” magar koi jawaab na milta … medicines apni game chala rahe thee … hum apni … aur hum aur dawaiyaan mil key qudrat key nizaam key sath lag rahey they … magar khuda ke wo bandi .. himat key sath dono ka muqaabla ker rahe theen … phir 1 din baad hee neem comma ke halat ho gaye … us key vitals maintain kerna mushqil ho gaya … aur we took her back to the hospital …
Kami sath tha .. abu bhe … mein bhe … magar ek shaks ke kami the … aur wo shani tha .. sab sey chota and sab sey laadla ami ka laaj dulaara … J ami ko us ney shays bohat chotey hotey theek dekha ho ga .. magar barey hotey hee .. maaa ke maa ban key sambhala us ney ami ko … shiddat ka laad kerta … aur hathoon mein uthaa uthaa key yahan sey wahan phirta … ! un ko hasaaata .. un sey laadiyaan kerta … hum ko to shayed maa… maa ke terha yaad hai magar us ko shayed nahen pata maa keisey hoti hai …
16th Jan 2008
Ami ke haalat bigatri jaa rahe the … doctors kehtey they … un key lungs shadeed damaged hein … aur choon key wo saans nahen le paa raheeen wo oxygen levels nahen le paa raheeen .. is liye brain ko oxygen nahen mil rahee jis key wajha sey wo response nahen de raheen .. un ka dil ka rt side bhe damage ho gaya hai … we could see she was going slowly … aisey chipkey hoye they kami aur mein un key sath jeisey … billi ka ka murghi ka bacha maa key sath paida honey key foran baad chimta hota hai … maa key wajoon sey hee wo is duniya key her cheez ka muqabla ker raha hota hai .. is ehsaas key sath key maa kaa aanchal .. maa ka ssaya … mujh ko her takleef sey nikal key bahir le aye ga … sab family waley aa gay .. jeisye sab ko pata hei kuch ho janey wala hai … shani abhe tak nahn aaya tah … us ko hum ney bataya hee nahen tha keh halat aisey serious ho gaye hei… magar us din jab ami ko ICU mein le jaaney kee baat hoi to mera dil seham gaya keh ami needs shani’s … I insisted abu to tell him the exact situation and call him right away … mujho ko yaad aaya wo khwaab jo mein ney ami ke tabeyat kharaab honey sey pehley dekha tha … mein samandur mein hoon aur us key teez lehrein merey pairoon sey aa key zor ke takraati hein … mein sambhal key apney aap ko thaam leiti hoon .. aahista aasihta wo lehrein tham jaati hein … aur daryaa khushq ho jata hai … rait hee rait … khush .. mujh ko dur tak nazar aati hei … aur sochti hoon .. ye paani kahan gaya … samander key ander tag chalti jaati hoon … just to explore keh pani kahan gaya .. magar dur dur tak kuch nahen … Bas .. Khushki .. dur ek khaay naza aye magar … mein ney jaan liya keh aagey mujh ko nahen jaana… bas us key baad apney ghar key bahir apney aap ko paaya … bhai key sath … kuch hal chal the … log aa jaa rahey they … ajeeb se gehma gehmi the … ab taka mi ka liver bhe fail ho chukka tha …
us din sey dil baichain tha … aakhir shani ko ticket mil gaya wo subha aaney wala tha … wo raaat ami bohat baichain teeen … saaans ukharta tha … aankein band hoti jaa rahe theeen … mein ney ami sey kaha “amii ! shani aa raha hai …” ye keh key aankoon mein aansoo aa jatey .. q key ye dart ha key wo waqat pe pohanch jaye … ! … raat key 3 bajey aakhiri baar aankein kholi unhoon ney ! … us key baad baichain … sakhat baichain … sansoon key lar rahe theen … subh key 8 bajey … mein un ko tiktiki band key dekh rahe the …
Lahore Airport sey shani ka phone aaya … bola … aur haalaat ke sangeeni ko bina janey us la lehjaa kuch aisaa tha ? “Sabiiiii ! KEISEE HOOO … amii ka kiya haal hai ?” mein ney kaha … haan she is waiting for u … I couldn’t say anything after that … ... keh kamrey ka darwaaza khula aur shani mere aankhoon key saamney tha ! … mera dil baichain tha … saans ruk raha tha mera … mein ney kaha “Amii ! bas 2 aur ghantey …” un key hathooon ko choomti … chehrey ko choomti … pawoon ko choomti … balloon mein hath pairti .. chain naa atta to bas dekhti jaati … waqat guzarta gaya ..
aur wo lamha aaya ! keh kamrey ka darwaza khula aur shani mre aankoon key saamney tha wo hairan pareshaan nazar nahe aata tha .. bohat sambhla hoa bohat simta hoa .. bohat zimaadaari key sath aander aaya .. khamoosh tha ami key paas aaya … galey lagaya .. awaaz de aur bola Amiii ! ami ke aankheen ushee terha band .. saans ruki ruki … kamrey mein ghuppp khamoshi … aur cardiac monitor ke awaz … Beep Beep Beeep … mujh sey bola .. ami sedated hein kiya ? mein boli … HMMM ! kehney laga kab tak asar khatam ho ga … mein boli ! … thora waqat lagta hei .. marzi sey uth jayeen gee … bola achaaa ! aura mi ko dekhkney laga jeisey pata nahen kiya kiya parh raha ho .. bola ami kamzoor ho gaye hein … ? mein boli … HMMM … bas un ko dekhney laga .. piyaar karney laga … ! bas I wanted keh kissi haqeeqat ko wo lafzoon mein na jaaney .. khud sey hee explore kerta jayee .. shayed dhajka kum lagey … q keh .. dil sey hum sab jantey they keh … wo kuch hee pal humarey paas hein … waqat guzarta gaya ! … aur pata chala … us din un ke doono kidneys bhe fail ho gaye hein … ! hum tiktiki bandh key dekhtey rahey un key cardiac Monitor ko … un ke bosy mein oxygen key leves ko … un ke urin bag ko magar sab fail tha ! kuch bhe normal nahen tha ! …
kissi ney kaha .. baita kalma parho … to aisey jeisey dil mein teeeeeees uth gaye hooo ! … jab hum un key sath lag key kalma parhtey … aur wo nanhey nanhey saans leiteen to dil chahata kissi terha un ko samet lein apney ander .. in takleeef no noch noch key nikaal dein … ! magar Kuda aur insaan mein jo faraq hei na wo saaf zahir hei .. insaan key bas mein kuch bhe nahen aur Khuda key bas mein sab kuch ! …. Doctors aatey hum sey opinion leitey .. family ka consent leitey keh … kiya is ko ICU mein le jayeen Ventilator pe rakh dein … magar ye soch key keh … kiya hum itney zalim ho jayeen keh … jis maa ko phooloon ke terha rakha … itna piyaar kiya .. itnaa laad kiya aap us ke saans ja khatam ho rahe hei to zabardast us ko tafleef dey ke .. qudrat key sath jhagrey Mol key un ko jeeney pe majboor karein ? aapsa mein faisla kartey aur doctor sey kehtey ! … Doctor we cant give her more pain ….. so bas … ek dawaa key zarye un ko dheerey dheerey janey ka moqa deiney lage … ! second guzar rahey they .. sansein ukhar rahe the .. hism mein baichaini barh rahe the … aur wohee awaaz Beep Beep Beep ! …
Khuda ke qasam … bhe kitna piyar kerta hei apney bandoon sey ! … kehtey hein kisi baat mein khuda ki kiya maslehat wo to khuda hee janey .. magar aisa bhe hota hai keh jeisey jaisey pal guzartey they maslehat nazar aati the … hum wohee bachey they us maa key jo maa ko cheenk bhe aaye to be tab ho jatey .. khaansi aa jaye to hath aagey ker leitey … magar aaj is qadar be bas … ! aur wo maa jis ney itni takleef key baawajood kabhe uff na kiya … aaaj bhe uff na kiya madhoosh macheinoon key aasrey pari hei … wo khuda janta hei keh ye mere sabir bandi hei aur ye is key ladley bachey .. aur bachoon ke ye laadli … aisey nahen le jaa sakta mein is ko ek dam sey … ye to sab jeetey jee marr jayeen gay … tu wo bhe hum ko us level pe laaya keh … us raat mein ney ami key kaan mein kaha … Ammmaa ! bass karo kiss sey itni jang … ! itna sabar q ? … jab doctors humara consent leitey to mein wapis ami key paas aa key un sey poochti .. Ami y u doing this to us ? u know we can let u go … magar aap ko tafleef mein nahen dekh sktey .. aur takleef nahen de saktey … ! aur jawaab mein un ka wo hee tootta hoa saans milta … ! us din ! shaam mein wo lamha aaya jab youun lagta tha keh … bas shayed ye aakhri saans hei ! hum sab waheen they ! kalma parh rahey they … ek lamhey pea mi ke baichaini is qadar they key Oxygen utaar de key wo relieved ho jayeen .. magar foran himmat toot gaye… ! sarrai raat guzar gaye … magar ab tak wo sakoonm ein aa gaye theen q keh us ke last life support bhe hum utarwaa chukey they … hum samjhtey rahey hum us ka sahara (support) baney rahey ! … haalanky wo Allah ke bandi ! apni will power pe hee lar rahe theen aur hum insaan Khuda key zaat sey lar rahey they shayed .. jitni saansein us ney likhi .. wo hee puri ker rahe theen shayed …
8.30 AM, 10th of Muharram – 20th Jan 2008
"Beep Beep Beep …" Sister came in the room and mein ney kami shani abu ko bola aap bahir jaaao mein ami ko fresh up ker doon … ! I could see her calm now … halki halki saans … Ahhhh ! hum ney bas abhe pamber hee change kiya tha keh ! mein chal key un ke sarhaaney gaye … aur uunchi awaz mein merey mun sey nikla … Yaa Allha Reham ! .. ushee lamhey jab mein wais saamney aye to … BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP Cardiac Monitor ------ Ami ka Ruk Chukka tha .. mein walked ami key paas ! I ask Amiiii ! mein ney un key seeney pe hath rakha … ! Kuch mehsoos nahen hoa … mein ney zor ka hillaya .. Boli AMMMI ! koi jawaab nahen aaya … ! sister bhag key doc ko le key ayeen aur ECG lagayee and mere aankhoon key saamney … ECG mein sey ek strip jis pe ek seedhee lakeer the saamney aaye … ! wo jo nanha sad il abh tak dharak raha tha .. Chup ho chukaa tha … ! Ami jaatey jaatey na kuch kehtey hoye bhe kiya kuch keh gayeen … she told us tum log mere support nahn baney rahey ? mere will power kafee thee … Khuda kiya hei ye maa bata gayee .. hum kiya hein ye bhe maa bata gaye … Khuda hum sey kiss qadar piyar kerta hei ye bhe bata gaye .. Allha un sey kitna piyar kerta hai ! … Ye bata gayeen keh Mot sey bari koi haqeeqat nahen aur insaan kitna be bass hei … Khud chali gayeen aur dher sari yaadein chor gayeen
mi lived with dignity Died with dignity…
Aakhi baat jo mein ney mama se kahi ! un ko ghusal de key jab laitaa diya tha ! to un ka face mashallah noor ke terha tha .. itns sakoon ko jeetey jee hum un ko nahen de sakey .. itna peace .. keh shayed jo maa key liye hum kaheen sey khareed key nahen laa saktey they …
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My Last Words To Her
I looked at her … and there were tears in my eyes ! … and a smile on mu lips … i was calm and in control ! … i said to her… Ami u have been the best mother, I am so honoured I am ur child … I love u so much I will miss u so much but I know you are at a much better place … May Allha bless Your Soul in peace ... AMIN !
_______________________________________________________________
Comments
Saifullah Shafiq
to me
Hello Sabeen,
My name is Saif. I live in USA. I didn't know who you were. I was looking for someone else on the internet when I found your blog by chance. Just read the post about your mother and that brought tears to my eyes, couldn't stop myself from writing you an email. I salute you for being such a wonderful daughter and I salute your mother for raising such an obedient and caring daughter. May her soul rest in peace (AMEEN) and May Allah give you the courage and power to become like her and May Allah give all of us the wisdom to learn and be like you.
Wish you all the best
Saif
Dear Sabeen,AOA it is absolutely lovely, bohot hi pyara hai I loved reading all of it it was very touching and very lovely way to remember a lovely lady.... Love Amber
Dear sabeen,It is very sad to know all this and I'm really sorry to hear about your mother's death. she seemed like she was an angel. Allah might be with her. May Allah bestow her with the best of Aakhirat and may he give u and the rest of the family sabr to deal with such a great loss. She had a beautiful life. May Allah give her the best place in heaven and reward her Jannat. it is a matter of pleasure for me to write to you now. in fact you are a great personality.
I read your column which inspires me a lot
God bless you
Regards, Ijaz
Dear Sabeen, My prayers will always be there.The blog you wrote literally brought tears to my eyes. Hope you recieved my last email. Will Inshallah see you very soon. Take care! Hina.
Posted by Sabeen Inam at Tuesday, January 22, 2008
14 comments:
Muzna Humayun said...
Dear sabeen,
I'm really sorry to hear about your mother's death and so are hundreds of people out there as we can see.After reading through all that...all I can say is "wow"...she seemed like she was an angel. If everyone here is singing praises of her, you can well imagine how content Allah might be with her. May Allah bestow her with the best of Aakhirat and may he give u and the rest of the family sabr to deal with such a great loss. She had a beautiful smile sabeen. You can tell from her face that she forwarded the same smile to a lot of people out there. May Allah give her the best place in heaven.
Wednesday, 23 January 2008 22:03:00 GMT+05:00
Shresth said...
Dear Sabeen,
I have been reading your blogs for quite some time now. You don't know me and i have never seen you in person. I pray that "Allah" gives you strength and courage to fulfill all of your dear mother's wishes.May the smile of your mother live through all the good work that you will be doing.
My best wishes.
Regards
Sunday, 3 February 2008 23:09:00 GMT+05:00
Saqib said...
Yaar, Jennyy tum hai pata hai ke ye tumhara bhai jaldi ro parta hai - but reading your blog made me cry a lot. It was so touching. I have my own memories of her but my favourites are the 3 living memories she left behind whom I am proud to have as my dearest cousins. You are a credit to her life and to your Father.
Speak soon.
Saqib Bhai
Wednesday, 13 February 2008 02:31:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
Dear Sabeen,
How've u been? Hope life is getting back to normal, things have started to becoming smooth again and a gorgeous smile is back on ur face. Today i perused some of the posts their on ur blog n especially the one posted by Kamran; it was really touching. Family pics were really awesome especially the one featuring u n mother. Today i came to know that u've inherited ur b'utiful smile from none other than ur mother and i suggest u must keep it on ur face cuz (besides other things) ur smile n ur eyes wud remind ppl of her and obviously u too wud like others to c her in u. So keep smiling, stay happy n take gud care of urself. InshAllah all the happiness will be coming back in ur life v. soon n that too in a great deal. God bless!!! bye.
Wajahat Iqbal
Business Systems Analyst
Planning & Implementation
Mobilink IT, Lahore
Tel.: +92-42-5754220 ext. 3056
Fax: +92-42-5752347
Cell: +92-300-4350250
Email: wajahat.iqbal@mobilink.net
Wednesday, 13 February 2008 13:49:00 GMT+05:00
Muneeb said...
Dear Sabeen,
Ayesha and I are greatly touched after reading the memoir about your longest journey with your family. Tears were hard to stop and I don't remember ever being unable to control my tears, and I failed badly this time.
I must thank you for sharing your feelings that would help us putting priorities in perspective and for reminding us of all the good times we had shared with Chachi and you all. Just remineded me when I had to act as a girl in a university drama. She gave me her clothes and make-up and told me how to act. I wonder if I still have the video.
Chachi was a great lady who was always there for her family, friends, patients, anyone who needed help. I dont think you would about her efforts in nurturing you when you born and growing up while juggling with all the other chores. We saw all that as your elders. I am glad that you all have honoured her efforts for you with your love and care while she was not well. She was a really lucky person that her family was with her till the end.
She went trough life like a roller coaster. We witnessed her and Chacha working hard growing the one-room clinic and an old house to a multi-storey full-fledged hospital and a great home that was open for everyone all the time. Believe me it is not easy to do that, now that we are some times in similar situations.
I really enjoyed the G. Ajmad part. Reminded me of so may funny situations.
To sum it all, she was a great person, and I hope you will continue the legacy.
Allah only tests those HE loves. We will always pray that Allah blesses her with the best place in Janat and makes you all a source of forgiveness for her and elevating of her place in Janat. Amen
Salaam,
Muneeb Bhai
Saturday, 16 February 2008 23:29:00 GMT+05:00
Muneeb said...
Dear Sabeen Popho,
This is Saneeya. I read your writing and it was very touching, sad, and made me cry...how are you feeling?? Is Amjad Dada feeling well? I talked to Kami Chachu on MSN. How is Shani Chachu?? It must be very hard to go through this. You are a great daughter, you took care of your mother with so much love, I hope I will become like you one day. May Allah send Dadi to Heaven. Ameen.
Love, Saneeya
Sunday, 17 February 2008 01:29:00 GMT+05:00
Rafia said...
Dear Sabeen
I have not had a chance to read your blog till today and have spent the best of the last 30 mins reading some wonderful stuff about Ghazala Mami.
You are 100% correct that when one leaves, all that is left behind is memories but it is these memories that keep our loved ones in our hearts and we never forget them.
I cannot express my emotions when the night before I was flying back I was at the hospital. It was the 19th Jan and 2 days before Mami Jaan passed away. At that point we all knew that she was leaving us and it was a matter of time but I cannot express my feelings of holding her hand knowing this will be the last time I will see her. I know life and death is unpreditable but at that point and on leaving I knew that I wouldnt be seeing her again on my next visit to Lahore and it was a sense of helplessness. It was a difficult moment for me.....and very emotional.
In your notes you mention about Mami Jaan coming to the UK in 1997 for further medical tests. I have some very fond memories of this trip. Mami Jaan in 1997 was fine in the sense she was self sufficient to walk around and everything. It was the early stages of her illness and my memories are of dragging mahmoo and mami jaan all over London to show them around. however the highlight was when in the evening we went to Madam Tussaids and finally in the planetarium. It has been a long day and we were all tired. The lights went out and as they did, Mahmoo fell asleep. Now we all know what happens when Mahmoo falls asleep and the famous Amjad Hussain snoring started! People turned around and stared and Mami Jaan very quickly said, in her own unique style 'AAAAAMMMMJAAAD!' to wake mahmoo up. 5 mins later Mahmoo did it again, and both me and mami jaan were in fits and to be honest pleased to be out of the planetarium when it ended!! Although mahmoo wasnt to pleased!!
For any 7 year old, a birthday is an important event. It was March 1983 and we had just moved to Pakistan from England. For me it was my first birthday to be held in a new country, new home and it was an important day. I have very clear memories of an excellent birthday party held at 46 D in defence, our first home. We had all the family over and Mami jaan got all the kids up to dance and jump around. It was great fun and she was the centre of activity. Saqib and Kashif bhai were going through a difficult time at that stage where they both were a mixture of wanna be's between Michael Jackson and Mithun Chakraborty! I still remember Mami Jaan encouraging them with their dance moves but I bet inside she was probably enjoying the 2 wanna be super stars performing their pop star moves! It was an excellent 7th birthday!
I remember the eid get togethers and Mami Jaan's chicken salun! She made one of the best chicken saluns which were delicious. I was a bigh fan!
Some very fond memories indeed and it is these memories that keeps those who have left us, alive in our hearts.
May allah blessh mami jaan a place in janaat. Ameen.
Lots of love
Amer Bhai.
17 Feb 2008
Sunday, 17 February 2008 12:19:00 GMT+05:00
Shirazi said...
It is a big loss; no doubt. And you have a nice tribute here.
Light Within
Sunday, 17 February 2008 13:50:00 GMT+05:00
maria said...
My Dear Sabeen,
I have never seen you or ur lovely Mom but after reading ur memoirs, i was so touched and felt deep pain inside that i cant express my feelings. I love your Mom, she was one of the most beautiful creatures of Almighty. And you and your family had faced the dilemma of losing someone like her. I love you, and am always here for u, whenever u feel, u can call me, visit me anytime, i am just an sms away.
May Allah rest her soul in Peace and bless courage and strength to your family to live without her. Ameen Summa Ameen.
Maria Effendi
Sunday, 17 February 2008 18:24:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
Dear Sabeen,
It is very beautifully written. You have described your mother in the best possible way. I must say that she was very lucky to have you three as her kids and Amjad Mamu as her husband. You all took great care of her and always stood behind her. She was extremely fortunate to have her family by her side till the end and this would've had made everything easy for her. It must be a tough time for you but trust me it will bring the very best in you and i/a Allah will reward you for this.
She had a very pleasant personality and was loved by everyone in the family. We all have our own share of memories with her.
My favourite picture is her childhood one where she looks exactly " a very laadly beti of your Agha Jan"........
In the end I would like to say that she is going to be greatly remembered as a very warm, affectionate and kind person.
May Allah grant you peace and bless her with a good life hereafter.........Amen!!!
Anbreen.
Wednesday, 20 February 2008 11:29:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
Salam..!
Hope u r coping urself well..
I am totally shocked to hear the news of ur mother's sad demise..
May Allah rest her soul in peache..Ameen..and grant u lots of pateince to bear this loss...
I just read ur complete blog as well...it is very touchy..and took my heart away...cant stop myself crying..:(
may allah give u and ur family patience..
i can imagine how hard it is for u..:(
dont know wat else to say..
am speechless...................
sara
Wednesday, 20 February 2008 11:30:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
Dear Sabeen
I am with you at this sad moment, it is a great loss for the family may God give her best place in Jannat ul Firdous.
sincerely yours
Naeema
Wednesday, 20 February 2008 11:30:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
AoA
how are you? Last day you came for the cheque but i couldn't tell you this due to the presence of the visiting professor.
well i read the blog, bohat hi dil afsurda hua......but i would like to appreciate you, kay aap nein apni walda ko un maukon per support di
jab jab un ko aap ki zaroorat mahsoos hui.....shayed yehi sabab hai kay woh khuda se gila nahi kar sakein. Hats off to you.
Apki walda ki professional details pardh kar aur ziada afsoos hua....because......mujh se aap nein pehlay to kabhi zikr nahi kya tha kay she was the owner of Ghazala Clinic,....mujhe to chehlam ka pardh kar pata chala,........well,...........your mother was the first one, who hold me in the air, in this world. I born in Ghazala Clinic in 1984. Humari to aik arsay tak bardi association rahi thi un ke saath, but with the passage of time, dobara mulakat na ho saki. Mere 2 cousin bhi wahein paida hue the....phoppo kay betay,.....aik 1983 mein hua tha aur us ka chota bhai 1985 mein hua tha.....actually my father was at that time in GCP, aur Ghazala clinic GCP kay panel pay tha so abu wahein jaya karte the.....kuch bhi hota to kehtay the kay "Ghazala kol Chalo". 1992 mein abu nein GCP chord ko chord diya tha and he went abroad, aur ghar bhi hum nein change kar liya tha,....so us kay baad clinic nahein gaye..........mujhe thorda thorda yaad hai kay jab mujhe ' jaundice ' hua tha at age of 5 tab bhi mein Ghazala clinic hi admit hua tha...
mein nein ghar ja kar ammi abu ko jab bataya aap ki ammi kay baray mein to un ko bohat shock laga aur bohat afsoos hua....they just couldn't believe. They prayed for her. I told my mother that one who talked with you today on your cell phone was her daughter, she remembered you when you was a little girl, hanging around in the clinic.
" Ajab Marhaloon mein Dafan hai Zindigi
Kabhi Pairahan Kabhi Kafan hai Zindigi
Alfaz kay dareechoon mein zeir o zabar hai
Dard kay oraaq pe likha Sukhan hai Zindigi
Poocha jo Zindigi ka to woh Ruk k Bolay
Hasrat o Aarzo hai, Tan Man hai Zindigi
Lehd e Madar pe phir Ja Kay Us nein Kaha
Yawar, Is deyaar meri madfan hai Zindigi "
Be Strong,....i know mother is like no other. But this is life.
God bless you.
Take Care.
Syed Yawar Abbas Bokharee
Thursday, 21 February 2008 12:54:00 GMT+05:00
Anonymous said...
Hello,hope ur'e in the best of ur'e health. The intensity level of u ppl towards your mom is simply phenominal.Your'e blog shook my senses with tears rolling down my eyes. Something which is rarely seen these days.An example of true Love. Maa' is that special and unique being that can never be replaced. She is the one who wud still find her child the most beautiful one among all,the one who can only wish and advice the best without any doubt. Next to God's love is the love of maa'. It's the most geniune one. I salute your mom who suffered the most and I salute you people too for being the best care taker of her and also for setting the best example of a relationship between a mother and her child.
If you are proud of having such a wonderful mother , then am sure that your mother must also be proud of having such "GREAT" kids.
Keep the faith.
And may Lord rest her soul in peace.Amen!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
ReplyDeletemy mother , my friend, my baby ...
just sharing the words and feeling for her,
that i received from my family and friends !
Written By Waqas Mehmood
ReplyDeleteIt was my prayer at the conclusion of 2007, that the year 2008 would bring happiness and prosperity for our whole family as we grow stronger, however, January 20, 2008, will be remembered as a day of great sadness for our family, as Ghazala Chachi died after a very prolonged illness. Death is some thing that is inevitable and is very much part of our faith, however, untimely death is always very difficult to deal with and especially when it is for someone who is as loving and caring as Ghazala chachi was towards the whole family. I have very fond memories of spending our summer holidays at Chuburjee house where Ghazala chachi always rendered love to all the children and my generation was fortunate to have been blessed with her love. In specific, the affection and care that she gave with an open heart was exemplary. I continue to view Churburjee as our ancestral home where one would always be welcomed by our late Dadi jan and subsequently the same spirit was followed by Chacha and Chachi. I personally always will remain indebted to Chachi as she provided the comfort to Abu during his last days where he breathed his last at Churburjee and subsequently soon thereafter the care she provided to Ami who was operated and remain hospitalized at her home. As I sit so far away I recall her starting her little clinic in the back room of the old house and with God’s blessing and the shafah that was bestowed in her hand, the one room clinic soon grew into a full scale hospital, where she provided respite to thousands of ailing patients, carried out minor surgeries, saved lives of patients by providing timely treatment and brought babies into the world. She worked full time at the college and examined patients till late at the hospital and she would never give you the impression of being tired. You would never find her in an irritable mood, despite having worked long hours and you would always find her smiling, as she would sit on the dinning table or the lounge with us and enjoy laughter. As a doctor she happily provided respite to the family member during an ailment, however, the similar treatment was yielded to those who were distant relatives and even to complete strangers, who would approach her during their illness. She was truly blessed with a heart which had nothing but care and affection to offer. For those who are from my generation would vouch that Churburjee was a safe heaven for all of us as we would get away with our mischief’s and in instances where we would cross the limits, chachi jan would protect us from the scolding of the elders, and would make us understand our mistake in a loving manner, so there would be no recurrence. Although, Chachi jan participated in all the weddings that have taken place in my generation but I consider myself very fortunate that she was enjoying excellent health on my wedding where she along with Sabeen stole the show on my mehdi. Unfortunately, one has to be realistic and acknowledge that the Churburjee did see some hard times but yet she never gave into the troubled times and at least I never heard her complain. She took care of many of our elders in their sickness, which include Dadi jan, Abu and Zaheer Taya jan to name a few and always with a loving heart and not giving a feeling that they were ever a burden. Although, over the years, we saw her health deteriorate, despite being weak, she would always acknowledge our presence by responding, smiling and would respond with warmth and love. Being a doctor she was quite aware of her deteriorating condition and for us it was very difficult to see our Chachi’s failing health, where she was becoming fragile, yet her spirits remained at peak, where I never heard her even utter the word “UFFFFFFF”. Despite being completely bed ridden and having difficulty in communicating, her mind remained alert. On such instance is when we sat in her bedroom and were discussing Fahad illness and she with difficulty suggested a medicine and sure enough, by morning he was feeling much better.
This goes to show her strong character, strength, and the desire to fight her disease over the years. This note would be incomplete if the role of Amjad Chacha, Sabeen, Kamran, Shani and Arif chacha was not highlighted, who took care of her during her illness in their own ways. My deep regret remains that like many others who are aboard we were not in Lahore during this difficult time to provide the moral support to our youngest Chacha and the kids, who are very dear to me. The manner in which the children have responded to her illness reflects the good upbringing by both the parents where the mother plays a vital role, and it must be acknowledged that over the years, all the three children have grown into very responsible individuals, and that in itself is a true reflection of her good upbringing of her children duly supported by Chacha. On behalf of all of us who are far away from you all, I extend our deep condolences on this colossal loss. She was our youngest Chachi and very dear to all of us where she was more a friend than a Chachi. It is my prayer that Almighty Allah gives her place in his highest of heavens and our whole family the courage to withstand such a tragic loss. If I was sum her existence in one sentence, in my humble opinion, “She was an angle in our family”, who endured any storms blown her way and yet withstood them and shined like a star, and through her smile spread love and provided courage to all around.” Chachi jan you will be immensely missed by all of us but your memory will live forever in our hearts!!! With bundle of prayers and love to all, Waqas
ReplyDeleteWritten By Saqib Siddiqui
ReplyDeleteI have just read Waqas's email and would like to just say that he has expressed the thoughts of all the Bhanjas/Bhanjis/Bahtijis/bahtijas accurately. There is no doubt that Ghazala Mami was an angel in our family. The care she offered to all whether be it a close relative or distant was always genuine. She also had the unique ability of making each one of us to feel that we were special to her in our own way. I have very fond memories of meeting her as a little boy on my trips to FJ with mamu and the times when she would come to chuburji to see Nano (and of course Mamu) from her hostel and I would walk around with her heels on!! When we were growing up as cousins, for me she was always the 'cool Mami'. She had brains, was always happy, fashionable and up for fun. She was, like Waqas said, a friend and a Mami. She may have had those qualities for us but her knack of looking after members of our family without ever giving you the feeling that it was difficult was her biggest quality. I guess she was rewarded by having wonderful kids and a wonderful husband that looked after her during her cruel illness. It was touching to see how they all looked after her and how they kept their sense of humour during difficult times. This does not surprise me as Sabeen, Kamran and Zeeshan are the children of two wonderful people. It has been painful not being able to see her like she used to be over the last few years, but now may she rest in peace. Like Waqas said, it hurts to be so far away and not have had the opportunity to help care for her in some way when she did so for so many of us. Mamijan, with love, thoughts, fond memories and prayers. Saqib
Written By Amber Mehmood
Chachi's passing away is a big loss for us all, she was one of the nicest and kindest souls Ive ever met, Allah unki Maghfrat karay and unko janat mein jaga naseeb karain. During Ghusal chachi had absolutely no mark or nishan on her body and her skin was pure white. She looked very peaceful and had a smile on her. She had absolute and complete Noor on her face mashallah. She was a very lucky woman to have such wonderful children to look after her with so much love and devotion. Kami, Sabeen and Shaani, know our prayers will be with her and you always and Keep the faith she is smiling down on you and take comfort in knowing she is one of Allahs loved ones, it is only them he puts to such trials because even then they are the ones to say Allahhmdolillah, if you have given me a trial then you have given me the strength to bear it to the best of my ability. None of us can doubt Chachi was a very unique woman, never angry, never spoke of anyone other than in a good way, and is a living example of how to have the strength to bear what trials are sent before you. And the fact this life we are living is very very short, we should appreciate each other, our families and the healthy lives we are leading. Love Amber
Written By Muneeb Hassan
ReplyDeleteI will always remember her as very down-to-earth, loving, caring, helpful, happy, always smiling and very dedicated and hard working person. I never saw her get angry despite her most busy schedule. Always taking time out for the family and her patients. Many a time, we would be having dinner (keeping my record in mind - I was usually at Chauburji at dinner / lunch time when I was studying in Lahore and Chauburji was one of my favouite desitinations) when a patient would show up and she would leave everything, go and come back as nothing had happened. I cannot recollect any incidence of her losing her cool. And when all of us would get together at Chauburji with our mischiefs and she would never get angry. and would somehow find time to make good things for us. And of course, played a great host by always welcoming everyone when Dado was alive and afterwards and making our visit full of fun. She had very tough last years, but would always smile whenever I met her. I dont think I was able to see her situation and did not have the courage to deal with her situation. Hats off to Ajmad Chacha, Sabeen, Kami, Zeeshan and Arif Chancha who took care of her till the last moments. May Allah accept their Khidmat. Amen. While those of us out of country are far and cannot be present at this moment, we understand the loss and the feelings of the family. I hope that we keep her memories alive and always pray for her and carry on her efforts to keep the family united and always be happy and help others. May Allah bless her with the best place in Jannat and give her family the strength to cope with the loss and make them a sadka-e-jaria and a source of forgiveness for her. Amen Love to all, take care Muneeb & Ayesha
Written By Emad Siddiqui
Mjanaaza took place today. May allah give her a place in janat and mamoo, sabeen, kami and shani the courage to bear this loss.She was a lovely person, appreciated and loved by all. she will be missed alot. Love Sajal and Emad
Sobia Cheema Writes...
May ALLAH rest her soul in heaven .. i know its a bid shock 4 u sabeen but just wanna say , keep smiling like before , u r very sweet 4 us and will be ...
Fariha Rashid Writes...
Sabeen, I found out about your mother passing away and was deeply saddened. Having gone through the loss of a parent myself, I could feel your pain. I also know that although both our parents are at their final resting place and at peace, it is the people left behind [family] that have to deal with the pain of losing them. This experience is very hard to come to terms with but it will make you stronger. You and your whole family are in my prayers. Your mother will watch over you for the rest of your life so don't worry, everything will work out for you. God Bless you and I am amazed at your strength. You are truly a special individual Sabeen. Love always. Fariha.
Ayesha Ali Writes...
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you. You are strong person and by God's will you will be stronger every day! Love to you.--
Aamer W. G. Chaudhary writes ... Hi No doubt, your's is the biggest loss of life. As you told during the day that I have lost my father; hence I consider myself more attached to this reality than the other lucky ones who have their both parents with them. Look! Parents have no replacement, as one can get everything in life but not those who gave us birth. But, I believe, even if they are not around with us, they stay with us all our lives. You are passing through the most difficult phase of your life. But I believe that you will do it bravely as you are a brave girl. Besides this, remember that Allah Almighty is always with us in our times of trouble. He is with you, closer to you and taking care of you. Be certain about it. I have prayed for your mother though I believe that all good mothers are Behishties. And certainly yours is, as she had gone to Allah on Muharram 10 when He is receiving the Shuhdaas. She will be in company of those Shuhdaas as well. May Allah bless you with strength! AmeenTake good care of yourself, and your father. Your brothers are looking up to you as well. Regards
Wajahat Iqbal Writes...
Dear Sabeen, Losing mother is no doubt a big big loss but then this is what we call life. We really have nothing in our hands to stop our loved ones from going that far from us. All we can do is just pray for them and their forgiveness. I really wish and pray that may Allah Ta'lah forgive her and grant her a peaceful life in heaven. And may HE give you and your family courage and strength to bear this immense loss. It's an interesting co-incidence that Dr. Ghazala was your mother. As I said, your family is really very close to us. I told my father about this and to my surprise he said he and my uncle were there in the funeral but somehow we couldn't see each other. They also spent some time with Uncle amjad, arif, and asif.
Sabeen, its true that our dear ones have to leave us one day but their love and their memories stay with us throught our lives and keep us going. Anyways, I wish you all the very best for your life and career. You take good care and stay so happy. And do think about what i last wrote with reference to orkut. God bless. Allah hafiz
Shoa Erum Writes ...
Dear Sabeen. I had no idea about your loss,I am extremely sorry about your mum's passing away. Please stay strong and I hope and pray your family sticks together and is a comfort for each other through this time. If there is anything I can do please let me know. Take care of yourself.
Taimur ul Hassan writes ...
Sabeen,Today saw your email containing the news of your mostprecious loss. Pl accept my condolence. May she restin peace. Amen!
Raza Kharal Writes ...
Hi : sorry to know of the demise of ur mother. May you help inovercoming this sorrow
Dr. Saqib Mehmood Writes ...
"The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God" Heartiest condolences on passing away of your beloved mother.
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.
Nazahat Writes ...
Dear Sabeen.....she is really very cute :).....its always very difficult to cope with the times like these....but as u said urself that now she is at a place where u know she is happy and at peace..... Khuda un ki maghfarat fermaye.....apna khayal rakhye ga....nazahat
Imran Tahir Writes ...
Sabeen, I was travelling and just read your emails about the sad demise of Anuty. Ina Lilahe was ina elihe rajeoon... May Allah give her the best place in Jennah. Amin. The fact remains that everyone has to go one day, but only a daughter knows how it feels to loose her mother, especially when she was so close to you. May Allah give you strenghth to bear this great loss. Please take care of yourself... I will visit Lahore and meet you next time I am in Pakistan. Salam,
Emad Qureshi Writes ...
ReplyDeleteDear sabeen, Dont worry we are with you, No Matter how difficult the circumstances are! You are very strong ........Life is full of difficulties and these difficulties always come to make you even more strong........Best of luck for the Future. Regards, Emaad Qureshi
Ahsan Khurshid Writes ...
I am sorry to hear about your mother. May Allah bless her.
Bilal Vohra Writes...
Innalillah-e-Wa Inna Elah-a Rajaoon.heard abt yer mom .. sabeen naji .. felt really bad.!!:u take care of yerself..
Tauseef Writes ...
Innalillah-e-Wa Inna Elah-a Rajaoon.I really feel sorry on this.Please accept my heartfelt condolence;may Almighty Allah rest her soul in peace and give patience and strength to you, your family and loved onces. Ameen.
Mehtab Bashir Writes ...
Inna lilla hi Wa inna alahi rajioon So sorry to hear about the sad demise of ur mother, Sabeen. Nothing is so precious then a gift of Mother, I’m deeply saddened to read these lines frm u. May God give u & family courage to bear this irreparable loss. Ur mother obviously a dignified soul, that’s why she is taken away by the Almighty on sacred day of 10th of Muharrum. I firmly hope she would be enjoying in the air of Heavens. So sorry sabi, but the death is ultimate, sooner or later EVERYONE has to perish. phir, Prophet (pbuh) himself opted death whn he was asked to live more. i can feel how devastated one can be whn someone’s lost her beloved mother, Gruesome!Jaan to allah ki amanat hay, or amanat may khiyanat nahi ki jati. Allah ki cheez Allah ki taraf jani hi hoti hay. No one can stop it & defy the power of Almighty. I know there's no relationship on this world ... more closer thn of MOTHER-DAUGHTER. May Allah gives ur mom the BEST SPOT in Heavens. Death is inevitable but mother’s surely haunts in u until u joined her in heavens. Time is a great healer, but I can tell u, no none can prevent tears flowing on ur cheeks, anytime, anywhere u hear the word MOTHER. whnever I lost to someone dear to me, I went out & found a lot of ppl TO WHOM I THINK r total waste of life. Then I make a silent tiny wish, O God: this person to whom Im watching is just total useless stuff, neither looks favorable to any single person, WHY doesn’t u pick this one up? But on the next moment, I muster up a lot of answers frm Almighty to myself. accept my heart-felt condolence!
Farah Arshad Writes ...
Dear Sabeen, I called you but couldn’t talk to you, I did talk to Kamran. I don’t have words to express my feelings at this great loss…all I can say is that I have gone through this and I know how you feel …all I can say is that you should keep your self as much busy as you can other wise it will be too difficult for you to come out of it…may Allah rest her soul in peace…please take care of your self and your family…when ever you feel like talking to any friend you can always call me I am just a phone call away.
Professor Dr. Shafiq Jullandhry
ReplyDeleteDear Sabeen! Received very sad news from your mail the news of sad demise of your great mother is really shocking for me. I am very sorry that I could'nt know about it in time. May Allah keep his soul in peace and give you patience and courage and to tolerate this great loss. I will pary for her and if you can give me your address I will visit your home sometime. With a very deep sense of sorrow.
Kanwal and Zeeshan Amjad Write ...
Asalam o Alicum We were out of city for one interview so couldnt check my email. Its sad to know about your mother, please accept our condolence may allah give her Jannat.
Muzna Humayun Writes ...
Dear sabeen, I'm really sorry to hear about your mother's death and so are hundreds of people out there as we can see.After reading through all that...all I can say is "wow"...she seemed like she was an angel. If everyone here is singing praises of her, you can well imagine how content Allah might be with her. May Allah bestow her with the best of Aakhirat and may he give u and the rest of the family sabr to deal with such a great loss. She had a beautiful smile sabeen. You can tell from her face that she forwarded the same smile to a lot of people out there. May Allah give her the best place in heaven.
she was a great woman sabeen...wow when u say ur a proud daughter...there 's nothing in this world denying that statement....i think every body who met her n was an aquaintance of her should be equally proud to have known such an angel of a person.
Sophiys Anjam Writes ...
May Allah give Sabeen and her family patience to bear this irreparable loss...We're here for you Sabeen, praying may your mother attain paradise and give you and your family courage to gear through life.
Hina Khan Writes ...
Dear Sabeen, I have absolutely no words to condole with you. May Allah rest anuty's soul in peace. I wish i was there with you at this time. Please take good care of yourself. My prayers are always with you and your family. I will be coming in March Inshallah and will definitely visit you. May Allah help you overcome this great loss. With prayers and love.
Prof. Dr. Farid Khan
i can fully appreciate ur grief but at this moment just think in the core of ur heart whether u r doing and fullfilling what ur mother wanted from u if the answer is yes then she will always be with
Dr Shahzad Baig Writes ...
ReplyDeleteDear SabeenI am very sad to hear the death of baji Ghazala. I am in Atlanta, USA on an assignment and i checked mail today after couple of week. I pray to God almighty for her magfarrat. She was very special to me and i still remember the days when me and Hadi used to visit her every month to get pocket money. She did a lot for hadi and i respect her for that. Please do kindly convey my feelings to hadi and e mail me his telephone number. Same is for bhai jan Amjad. I pray that Allah give you the stregth to bear this loss as you are the biggest looser.
Nabeel Ahmed (Pakistan) wroteat 5:00pm on January 28th, 2008
i heard about your mother im very sorry... may good be with you and your family in this sad moment and may your mom reach the gates of heaven just pray and everything will be fine.. always remember you have friendsl ike me to help you out if at anytime you need it.. may god give you the power to be patient ameen
Asma Niaz (no network) wroteat 11:53am on January 28th, 2008
i seem to have lost your cell number...read the mail about your mother...allah unn ko janat mein ooncha maakam dai, and all one can do is pray for her and your own mental health...take care of yourself girl and keep strong. If there is anything that i can do from over here please let me know.
Adnan Mahmood (no network) wroteat 7:18pm on January 24th, 2008
AOA! I just came to know about your mother through facebook and I am really very sorry about your loss. May Allah shower His blessing on her soul and grant her a better and peaceful place in heaven.
NOORJAHAN writes...
Dear sabeen amjad, asalamaliakum!I was surfing on internet and came across your website.My name is noorjahan i was so sad to read about your beloved mum.May grant her place in zeenat,ameen.give sabar to you and family.My deepest sympathy and sincere duas are with you and your family.While reading the article,it took me back when i was with my beloved mum.I reside in uk and my mum was in kenya,when she was very ill, myself & my elder son riaz travelled to be near her. She passed away peacefully,on 5 august 2003. May grant her place in heaven,ameen.The day she passed away i as feeling really awful and have never experience those feelings.We spent precious time together and shared few days together. Which i will treasure as long as i live. 16 muhharram was when my beloved father had passed 29 years ago.may grant her place in zeenat,ameen. Salams be strong & be bold.
Mateen Abidi (no network) wroteat 6:49am on February 2nd, 2008
Salam sabeen.Inna lil lahey wa inna ileyhey rajeyoon.Aunty ka sun ker boohat afsoos hua.Allah talah un ko aoney jawar-e- rehmet mein jaga dey,aur tumhein sabr ata karey.Ham sab ney aik din yeah reality face kernee hey,as Hazrat ALI A.S. farman in Neh-jul-balagah is "every breath that we are taking is a step towards death"Me,Beena and baji and all our Family will do Fateha for aunty.Will talk to you soon.Mateen.(TE-TE)
Asma Niaz Says ... i have been meaning to mail since the longest time, and yes primarily because of procrastanation i haven't. So proactivity being the order of the day, let me begin with a happy birthday, belated, but all the same, have a year that gives you contentment, patience but belief that what you think is worth value and inner strength to overcome any obstacles in your way. I know that this year has begun bitersweet for you, with your mothers death, allah unn ka janat mein makaam itna ooncha karay k woh bhi hairaan ho jaein and i hope more than anyhting else that you stay strong. waisay toh mujhay pata hai logon k samnay tum theekh thaakh control k saath milti ho, but i know what it is like to feel alone, not to the extent that you perhaps feel, but i know.
ReplyDeleteif there is ever anything that you need me for, a conversation, an evening out with nothing to talk about just sit, or an evening when there is nothing but fun...get in touch, the next time i am in lahore we shall definitely do something. but take care of yourself.
wishes, love and a big hug,
asma.
Kamran Amjad (Son)
ReplyDeleteDear All, I am at the airport waiting to get on my London flight at 10:40 AM. I apologise for writing in quite late but it was unavoidable due to busy schedules in the last one week. It is quite natural for me to love this great lady as she is my mother and she is responsible to give me this life. It was quite touching to learn that people who have been associated with her think really high of her and love her so much. These messages literally made me cry not because she is not with us anymore but I felt so proud to be son of such a wonderful lady who is an ideal for so many people. Whatever I am today and have achieved in my life is just because of her prayers and wishes and I don’t deserve all of this. She has been through really hard times due to her illness in the past 13 years especially the period of last 8 years in which she has been on the bed. She was not too active physically but her thoughts, memories and brain activity was absolutely normal. She would remember names of relatives/friends she has not met in years and she was able to feel whatever is happening around her. Despite of these hard times she has lived with a lot of dignity and utmost patience. When I saw her face after “ghusal” it was a great feeling to see her in peace and without any pain. It was a difficult moment for me and Shani to lay her in the grave with our hands but it was comforting to see that she seemed relaxed there. I would like to share an intense feeling that Ami was very lucky to have Abu as her life partner who has been an ideal husband during her illness. His life revolved around her and he spent his days and nights taking care of her. It’s a lot easier to be supportive in healthy days and I realize that it takes a lot of effort and patience to be the same during illness. I am really proud of him. She was the most precious part of my life and I could never think I will be able to live without her. It was even harder living away from home as I used to miss her a lot. I was lucky enough to be with in her last days yet I really wish I could get more time with her in this world. I am relieved that she is mash-Allah at a place which is definitely better than this world and Allah is taking good care of her. The last but not the least I would like to thank everyone once again for their support, love, care and affection which has definitely played an imperative role in this difficult moment for all of us in the family. I really don’t have words to express my feelings and emotions for the elders and youngsters who were in Lahore and were constantly in touch via phone. All I would say is it’s a blessing to have such a loving and caring family. May we all live happily and united like that in the years to come. Let us all promise to ourselves that all we will have for each other is “love”, “care” and “affection” in its purest form.
Sabeen Says
ReplyDeleteDear All, Days are passing by and the feeling of losing Ami is growing ! But I know she is at a better place ... happy, safe and in peace ... ! I just wanted to thank you all for being there, while I was passing through that phase. Thanks for being so kind for all ur words of comfort, ur calls, messages, emails while she was in the hospital and when she left all of us. Ur support really made me feel loved cared and supported ! Thanks to those who could make their visit to her Funeral despite of the traffic issues on 10th Muharram and to those who came to meet me and my family. I am so honoured for all ur care and concern for me, my mother and the rest of my family.
Do pray for her Maghfarat !
Maa !
Main Kabhi Batlata NahinPar Andhere Se Darta Hoon Main Maa
Yun To Main,Dikhlata NahinTeri Parwaah Karta Hoon Main Maa
Tujhe Sab Hain Pata, Hain Na MaaTujhe Sab Hain Pata,,Meri Maa
Bheed Mein Yun Na Chodo MujheGhar Laut Ke Bhi Aa Naa Paoon Maa
Bhej Na Itna Door Mujkko TuYaad Bhi Tujhko Aa Naa Paoon Maa
Kya Itna Bura Hoon Main MaaKya Itna Bura Meri Maa
Jab Bhi Kabhi Papa Mujhe Jo Zor Se Jhoola Jhulate Hain Maa
Meri Nazar Dhoondhe TujheSochu Yahi Tu Aa Ke Thaamegi Maa
Unse Main Yeh Kehta NahinPar Main Seham Jaata Hoon Maa
Chehre Pe Aana Deta NahinDil Hi Dil Mein Ghabraata Hoon Maa
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata Hai Naa MaaTujhe Sab Hai Pata Meri Maa
Main Kabhi Batlata NahinPar Andhere Se Darta Hoon Main Maa
Yun To Main,Dikhlata NahinTeri Parwaah Karta Hoon Main Maa
Tujhe Sab Hain Pata, Hain Na MaaTujhe Sab Hain Pata Meri Maa
Best Regards,
Sabeen Amjad - a proud daughter !
that is realy sad :( may ALlah bless to her soul ameen ..
ReplyDeleteyou take care ur self
Assam
I seriously dont knw wat to say. . . .
ReplyDeletei dnt hv as much good wrds as u hv used to describe ur mother...
but all i can say iz....dat em extremely touchd :'(
the tears were rolling down my cheeks when i was reading this article or a gratitude to ur mother i'l say.
iv lost ma father...i can feel da pain u hav gone through... my father's death was a sudden one (a road accident) that was real painful but I am aware of the fact that as YOU have lost ur mother was WAY more painful........holding her motionless hand....listening to that cardiac monitor's Beeeep al the day..counting each day, each hour, each minute, evn each secnd...recalling the good times n all the yadein by seeing her in comma, in pain, while resisting......ahh
hats off to you Maam.. u hav been so so so strong during al that
or yeh wakei apki amma ki duaen hain that u hav achieved en still achieving so much in your life.
May ALAH bless you and your whole Family throughout the entire life. AMEEN