Taking my soul – from dawn to dusk (Article)

It had been two months that I was suffering from severe skin allergy that intensified over time; it effected me so badly that the clothes touching my skin were even enough to make me feel extremely miserable. It made me cried so much, that I stopped behaving myself. Basically, I already was dealing with extremely difficult phase of life, some were personal reasons some were professional and thanks to our social structure for giving us all the negative feelings for something that an individual is deprived of. Well, you can say it was all jumbled up and my life was, upside down.

Deprived of the presence of mother and a sister I couldn’t share my grief with anyone, someone who would genuinely understand. All I could do was to get depressed, cry and feel low. I had unusual appetite, was gaining weight, look ugly, dead eyes and dull soul. I hated myself and I hated everything around me. Since it was all bad, this allergy triggered the remaining bad emotions and gulped me completely.

I planned to see the best skin specialist in town and made sure that I get treated soon. The lady doctor I met was someone who was of my mother’s age. Smart, elegant and very professional. She, unlike other doctors, did not just prescribe me the medicines but was kind enough to give me time to talk generally about my life. Fortunately, I did not find her just a very good skin specialist but an amazing human being and a doctor who had hidden traits of a healer. She managed to give me that level of comfort that I was able to talk to her about what I was going through; physically and emotionally. I kept going to her for my treatment; she used to give me medicines but as soon as I used to leave them, the allergy was back. It was difficult for me to understand the cause of that allergy since I was so desperate to kill that cause I could go up to any limit.

Despite of the fact that I was extremely depressed, I never accepted it. I was all the time ready to prove myself and to others that I am the strongest soul on the globe and no one can be as stronger as I am. One can rightly say that I was in complete denial.

Whenever, I used to meet my doctor it made me cry like crazy, but never in front of her. I used to feel that she digs through my skin and reaches my soul. She used to act motherly towards me and I being somebody who had been trying to breathe in that vacuum could feel the air, cool breeze and the pleasant feeling that a mother can give. She never told me that I was depressed. She always boosted my self-esteem by saying that you are a brave girl and you are handling your life real well.

One day I went to see her in the hospital outdoor. She was crowded by more than twenty patients. I sat there for a while; she called me; made me sit near her; she started checking my blood pressure. She looked at my face, I smiled; she asked, “How I was feeling now?” and as usual I said, “I am good but the allergy isn’t going away”. She kept on looking at my face, then into my eyes, as if she knew something about me more than I knew that she knew. She said, “my baby, you are going through great stress I don’t know how you are fighting it but this will eventually eat you up. Your allergy is nothing but stress related”. I was looking at her. She disconnected her eye contact checked the dial of the blood pressure apparatus, and said, “when we are stressed our body reacts and we can’t even imagine how strange it can act sometimes;” I was constantly looking at her, she said, “stop doing that to yourself”… I was silent, tears came out of my eyes instantly, I felt like, what she has done to me? I tried to hide my eyes but I couldn’t, I lost all the control over myself and I asked for her permission to leave and left her room immediately. After that I don’t even remember for how long I kept on crying …

Depression is a condition that can take many forms, from the short lived feelings of sadness that most of us suffer in response to disappointments of everyday life, right up to severe depressive disorders which require treatment. Technically speaking a depressive illness is an overwhelming feeling which dulls thinking, impairs concentration, saps energy, interest in food, sex, work and everyday activities and disrupts sleep.

Many people go through this sort of phase in life at any point and time. Some find the way out but some are lost in the pitch dark gloomy ways. Some look for someone to depend on some look for things to depend on ! Some take the pleasure of being depressed by making others happy and some depress others who are around.

Whether they are alone or have companions some tend to be pessimist and some deal it will optimism. Some even curse God for being there but not there. Some completely stop believing in his existence. But some believe in Him so much that they leave things to Him and move on.

There are people who love extreme attitudes; hence they behave in that manner. But there are people who are in the denial. They are those who don’t want to make thinks better for their own selves. And I believe they are the most miserable of all kinds because they don’t want to accept the fact that it’s humanly possible to feel low at times and lose yourself. They don’t accept the fact that life is the name of difficulties and God puts you in a test only if He loves you. They forget the fact that life is the journey of difficulties and the one who loses the most wins at the end. For them it’s an ego issue, they can fight with God in order to satisfy their egoistic soul but they can not fight with their dead inner self.

Sometimes friends or family members can recognize that a person is depressed. They may respond with love, kindness, or support, hoping that the sadness will soon fade away. They may offer to listen if the person wants to talk - although depressed people often don't feel much like talking or can't find the words to describe what's wrong. If the depressed feeling doesn't pass with a little time, friends or loved ones may encourage the person to get help from a doctor or mental health professional or they might suggest to, let go of things that bother them. Some people might have incorrect ideas about what it means to be depressed and they treat it as a social taboo. People who don't understand may react to the depressed person's low energy with criticism, scolding them for acting lazy or not trying. Some people mistakenly believe that depression is simply an attitude a person can change or a mood they can shake.

If they are concerned, they can listen to the depressed soul but they can’t really understand what he/she is going through. They can hold their hand in their worries but can’t hold their drowning soul. They can help them to get involve in something creative in order to distract their mind but they can’t sit in your mind to do so. Despite of all these efforts most of the times they don’t realise what the depressed person is going through and it is mainly because of their frame of reference. Only the one who experience the pain can feel it rest just take the credit of being there. But ask yourself what else they can do? If they are doing that much they are already fulfilling the responsibility more than it is required. We have to help ourselves first if we want God or his men to help us.

Dear Reader, you know what? Remember, helping your own self, in identifying your way and determining your direction is the best that they can do to yourself.

I don’t believe in words more than I believe in myself and God has made me like that hence I tell you something today. Whatever the case is, whatever is in our heart, wherever we go, it is very rare that we come across people who touch our soul so softly that it tells you silently that you have an “living soul” so move on, shed ur old skin and breath the fresh air that is surrounded by you and love the existence that Allah has Blessed you with.

We trust people but we don’t trust ourselves, we love strangers more than we love us, we believe in a palmist more than the existence of God, we listen to people more than what our heart says.

Trust me, I came out of this dark, dingy and stinky cave but I was lucky to have someone in my life, who made me feel the worth of my existence. But unfortunately fewer people are blessed with the pleasure to meet someone like that. Who loves you for what you are and accepts you in your own shape and then mould u, for your sake but so softly that eventually when you look back all you see is the shed old skin and when u see in the mirror you see a new individual who is destined to live … live a better life.

I wish everyone has someone in their lives who tells you quiet frequently how indispensable you are and how important your happiness means to them. We being human want to listen to the fact that there are many people around us who really love us; if not anybody else it’s your blood relations, your spouse, your best friend. I want to take the pleasure to be someone to tell you today that your existence means a lot to someone, look around, you will find people who are worried because you are depressed.

Find any?

Depression in general terms (if is not proven any other medical disorder), is just a feeling that over shadows all the positive feelings. If you run after something it will run away from you and negative feelings are so strong that they can make you suffer the whole life. If you are living a life things will go wrong, you will have ups and downs and you will lose.

If you think with negativity every thing will go wrong and if you think positively this will fall for you, rather than you falling for them.

Think positive, have a high self esteem and aim at a target, trust me you will achieve it. All you need to do is, sit and close your eyes, bring in all the positive energy, inhale the air, hold it for a while and exhale all the bad feelings out of your body. Tell your mind and tell it genuinely … that the bad feelings are no more there … and then believe in it. Exercise ! its utilises your energy.

There is another thing that helps in return, and that is the honour that people see in your eyes. People emitting positive energy has almost extinct from this world. Be the one unique individual who shows high self esteem, respect for their own self and an unbreakable trust.

You don’t trust me ? Good for you … just try is once … !