20’s Dilemma - 2007

A Dream World: Yippee! I have entered my 20’s. Today, I am 'an adult' – who is capable enough of making up his own decisions. Who does not have to depend upon anyone! I simply feel good! I will be professionally qualified after two years, and I'll be standing on my own, earning enough money to support my family. Hmm! I plan to apply for internship by the end of the first year of my masters. I might not be paid then, but I shall be paid soon after my masters. I am a brilliant student and capable enough to demand high … I will set my own standards.

After one-year (during the internship): I feel discouraged at times, I work so hard but my boss is always complaining. There is this strange sense of rivalry among the colleagues and it seems as if everyone is pulling another’s leg. All they want to do is ditch one another and everyone is struggling to be in the good books of the boss. I am not like them. I can’t be like them!

A Hope Emerged: Let my internship and my masters finish. The day will come soon when I will prove myself to be the ‘best’.

Graduation Ceremony: Finally the day I have waited for has arrived. Now it’s time to prove myself to the world … Friends say it’s difficult to get a good job without any strong reference. But I don’t need that … I will update my resume today and will drop it in the top most organizations.

Six Months Later: No positive reply as yet! Am I that bad? I worked in five different organizations without any pay just in order to gain experience. But all I have got is good experience supplemented by anxiety and no pay.

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned into months … nothing improved. Only hope could hold my shattered heart. As time passed I was drowned into depression, low self esteem, lack of confidence in something I was so confident of – myself. Hope in my aging parent’s eyes, my own future plans, all seemed to go down in the drain.

Daddy has a nerve for doing his own business. He is doing pretty well too, but why – why should I be forced to join his factory? I want to make my own identity, with my own experience and hard work. Then mom came to me the other day, and declared that she wants me to get married? Ehhh! … I don't have a job and neither am I settled. Apart from that, I am not ready to get into such a relationship! … This is my life let me live it the way I wish to.

This is the phase that comes in the early adult hood of every growing human being in varying intensities, whether it’s a growing man or a woman. They have castles built of their own dreams, their own desires. A few see them flourishing but the majority suffers from disappointment.

Much determination lies within the young hearts, to fight with the misfortunes of life. A psychological conflict – that kills our desires. As we grow, our desires grow. They mature with the span of time, but the time teaches us something else, something we never expected to be a part of our life. However, some fellows still fantasize life; some lucky ones accept the reality.

Dreams colliding with social pressures, resulting in a shattered human – standing alone in the center of the road; having sunken eyes but a heart still full of hope. Then someone – someone from somewhere just passes by – spreading the fragrance of love, tendering their heart, bestowing them with strength – strength to get up again and to face the life – life that’s insane.

Life was never ended! Why I thought so? I want to make my life. Yes I want to … Not for myself but for the one who has given me hope. A startling conviction! Deep inside, making me bold to accept what my life actually holds.

People having lots and lots of wealth and riches, intimidates me – mentally stresses me and keep reminding me that I have to have all that too. Competition sometimes depresses me but sometime cheers me up too. I ask myself, where do I really stand?

Indeterminate life passes by, and the day comes I have most wished for. Someone comes into my life that I want to love the most. Excitement that can make me funny, thrill that can make me crazy, a hope that can make me dreamy … coming swiftly, yet deeply – it seems as if my childhood has come back… I am back to life. Smiling and loving the whole world! There is anxiety that can palpitate my heart, making me restless. There is heaviness deep inside, a feeling of a huge responsibility…How would I take it? How would I cope with it? But that’s the charm that’s killing me softly too. I can see nothing but you. Oh ! May I let you live the way you have thought to live, may I give you love and happiness the way you have dreamt.

I see my fellows - waiting for something to happen but for them God has certainly thought of something else – who knows, good or bad? I see them waiting for their dreams to come true … a few of them hoping and thinking positively – taking life as a challenge but a few others indulging in something else – something that can take them to a path from where there is no turning back. I wish them luck that can give them strength –strength to accept life that’s bitter yet; this is what we are born for.

A feeling revealed to my inner soul, everyone is not fortunate like me … Perhaps there was God somewhere – not somewhere but everywhere, and it was Him who monitored every moment, my every breath … it was me who didn’t realize … it was He who blessed me with so much … but it was me who was totally blind. I can’t thank Him – I can’t thank Him much, for He is the real savior. He brought me back to life. He gave me strength to face the upcoming challenges of life that were once distressing. I blindly trust Him. It reveled to me a bit late but finally I found Him!

Life is strange; life is distressing, life demands sacrifice but life is love, life is care, life is friendship. Life is a blessing, it’s never a curse. When we are young we are ready to accept challenges. We are even happy with the failures, because we now we are strong enough to take it. We have our own thinking; we have our own intellect but something that we can never challenge is the One and the only Being, and that’s Allah! If we believe, we will succeed – if we don’t, however, we won’t be satisfied even if we get the whole world.